Ken's Quips

2011-12-21T10:59:00.000-05:00

My kids started the Christmas countdown a few days ago. OK, maybe I started it when I excitedly said, "Just 10 days till Christmas!" Since then every morning has seen my children checking the calender and doing the subtraction on their little fingers. Now, it is less than a week till Christmas and I feel the pressure. I don't feel pressure about shopping, or decorating because that is done. I'm not concerned about wrapping because Amanda does that. My concern is that I have less than a week to use this season to teach them what I want them to know.

First, I concede the battle that Christmas is all about gifts. There is no way I can change that focus. However, why fight it when it is true. Christmas is all about gifts. Free gifts. Great gifts. God gave us the gift of His presence on earth. He gave us the gift of humility in lowering himself to the position of a human baby born in a stable and placed in a feed trough. The gift of His divine example came next. Of course ending in the gift of salvation. Great gifts. Free gifts. Christmas is all about gifts.

Second, the fact that we can buy trees, decorations, and gifts means that we are rich. Wealthy beyond the imagination of most of the world. We can throw away wrappings, throw away cards, and even throw away a tree. We are so greatly blessed. I get as much a sense of thankfulness this time of year as I do at Thanksgiving. I want my girls to feel that too. Moreover, I want our wealth to inspire a sense of generosity within them. Out of abundance we give. If I have extra, then I share. The proper contrast for our wealth is to give to those less fortunate. Bells ringing at stores are a reminder that there is ample opportunity to give this time of year. Each of my girls has selected one person (someone we feel is deserving) to give a tin of cookies to. Why? Because we are rich and blessed enough to share.

Finally, I want my children to know that Christmas is about worship. We celebrate God and this is worship. Loving family, giving, being generous, and thinking about the gift of Jesus is worship. I want them to know the songs they hear (minus the one about grandma getting run over by the reindeer) are hymns of worship. The world is worshipping whether they even know it or not. Worship can be fun. Worship can happen every day of the week. As we count down each day we are recognizing a day of worship culminating in a great celebration of God. What else would you call it when you hear "Joy to the world, the Lord has come" being sung on the radio, and in the streets, and from your children. It is nothing less than glorious worship.

Can We Talk?

2011-12-13T20:18:00.000-05:00

"Can we talk?" Sometimes these words can make your hear skip a few beats. When a person feels the need to ask permission to communicate it usually means something serious is coming. So, when my 7 year old came to me saying, "Daddy, can I talk to you?" I felt a heart palpitation. Now, there is not much a 7 year old can do to get into serious trouble, but I still felt worry. Moreover, I was in the middle of cooking dinner and the other two kiddos were fighting over a toy in the background. However, instead of putting her off until dinner was finished, or reacting with worry, I simply scooped her up and sat her on the counter and said, "Let's talk." Tears started flowing and she told me about not having someone to play with at recess. To you or me that seems minor... but to her it was a BIG deal. So, I listened, I nodded, I got her a tissue, and I hugged her. That was it. No advice giving, no lectures. My hope is that this interaction teachers her that someday she can talk to me about boys, or what to do when friends are drinking, or how to say "no" when she needs to.

Today I had lunch with a good friend. We talked about how too many churches sell God as something far less than He is. Our God is not only Lord and creator, but He is also ready to listen to us at anytime. There is no topic too trivial and He is never too busy to listen. Moreover, He can empathize with us. Not just direct us, or admonish us, but empathize. That encourages me to go to Him with my issues more and more.

I'm SAHD

2011-12-05T12:46:00.000-05:00

As some of you already know there is a change at our house. My wife has started working full time allowing me to finish my degree requirements (namely an 800 internship). This means I am now SAHD (stay at home dad). In fact today is my first day in this role. I will admit that I was a bit apprehensive about the switch. I assumed that not being the provider, not having a title, no sense of accomplishment or contribution etc. would have a negative impact on me.

Then the Spirit spoke to me in the way that he often does- via scripture. As I prepared for my first day the words of Colossians 3:23 ran through my head repeatedly, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men." A new revelation came over me. I am as much a provider as I was in my career (maybe more so). Now I provide structure, discipline, education, and guidance. I have many titles including tutor, mentor, chef, (ok, and maid...better yet butler). As far as a sense of accomplishment I have done more by 12:00 today than I did in a typical work day. That's ok though- this job comes with a scheduled nap time. My contribution is to my wife and children. So, I approach this new role with a positive attitude (which is what the Spirit intended no doubt). I am working at this as unto the Lord. I will keep you posted.

A Christian Response to Tahrir Square

2011-11-23T11:19:00.000-05:00

Amnesty International and the United Nations now recognize the inhumane treatment of protesters in Tahrir square. Protesters are met with tear gas at best, many have been shot and killed at worst. While the military leaders claim they are using non-lethal methods the blood in the streets says otherwise.  For more official news reports see http://www.almasryalyoum.com/en/node/517749 or http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-15849285.

So, how does a Christian respond to the events of Tahrir Square (or any similar uprising)?  Being people of the Bible we turn to I Peter chapter 2 and read in verses 13 and 14 that we, "submit to every authority instituted among men: whether to the king, as the supreme authority, or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right." This seems simple enough until you get to verse 16 which says, "Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God."  How do the people of Egypt live free while submitting to the military rule? The responsibility lies with the protesters. Demonstrations need to be peaceful in nature giving no hint of wrong doing. Look at our verses again. Freedom cannot be used as a cover-up for evil. Exercising the right of free speech and demonstration should not be used as an excuse to create dissension and stir mobs.

What does this look like in action...refusing to participate in any type of violence demonstrating peacefully for the right to elect leaders even in the midst of tear gas and bullets. This is the ultimate example of turning the other cheek. I urge believers to pray for the courage and self-control required of these protesters to ensure peaceful resolution. Pray for freedom in Egypt and that sinful corruption and ego driven power grabs will not result in more violence. Finally, consider what application this has to your own life. How do you peacefully submit to authority even in the face of great personal loss?

Sacrifice- Marriage Series Conclusion

2011-11-21T12:29:00.000-05:00

The Declaration of Independence states that people are "...created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights..." It is true that people are equal. There is no divine special privilege for one group of peoples over another. Let me take this a step farther. Sinners and saved are equal. Christians, Muslims, Jews, and atheists are equal. If we truly believe the Roman letter when it tells us that "all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God" then we believe that all are equal spiritually. This is not to say that all worship (or lack worship) legitimately nor does it mean all are saved (I am not a universalist). However, it is to say that there are no favorites among God's children (creation). This explains why blessings come to the sinful and the saints.

Sacrifice is choosing to give up rights. This is different than not knowing rights. Fools do not know their rights. Mature Christians know their rights and choose to lay them down for the sake of another. The Declaration of Independence specifically mentions our rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Christ allowed himself to be arrested giving up his liberty, was sentenced to death giving up his life, making his happiness about our salvation.

I want to end my marriage series with this definition of sacrifice. When I can give up my claims to rights for the sake of my spouse, then I will have a truly Godly partnership. When wronged I have the right to complain and seek restitution. Understanding equality and knowing the value of sacrifice means I may never claim those rights. This is where Christian maturity results in a more satisfying relationship.

Intimacy in Marriage- Marriage Series Continued

2011-11-14T12:48:00.000-05:00

As our class progresses through Worthington's (1999) 9 C's of marriage we come to "Closeness" (p.60). I would instead like to call this "closed-ness" because the image of a closed circle comes to mind when discussing intimacy. It is the emotional, intellectual, and physcial interactions that are exclusive to the relationship. In other words there are thoughts, feelings, and actions to be kept inside the closed circle of the relationship to achieve intimacy.

Intellectual intimacy refers to the shared thought life of a couple. There is information that is to be kept between a couple and not shared with those outside the relationship. A spouse can feel deeply hurt and betrayed when private information is carelessly shared.

Emotional intimacy refers to those feelings which should be reserved for your spouse. Feelings of romantic love or feelings of lust/arousal should never be fostered outside of the marriage relationship. Intimacy is broken when such feelings stray outside the closed circle.

Physical intimacy refers to the actions meant to be shared by a married couple. This can be much more than intercourse. Intimate touches such as massaging or handholding outside of the marriage can destroy intimacy in the marriage.

Breaking the inner circle of intimacy can happen in two ways. Outside influences attacking the circle can diminish intimacy. This can include the distraction of work, hobbies, friends, children, etc. Anything that prevents a couple from developing their relationship in privacy (without distraction).  Couples need to be purposeful in protecting intimacy and setting time aside to develop their inner circle. The other threat to intimcay is from the inside and tends to be much more damaging. When a spouse breaks the circle taking things that ought to be kept inside the relationship outside. Examples would be a wife who shares private information with girlfriends, or a husband who is flirting with a coworker.

How should couples respond?  Form the habit of setting aside time for one another. Recognize distractions and agree on how best to deal with them. Honor intimacy and be diligent to defend it in your marriage.  Read Proverbs 5:15-17 and consider the implications of this passage in your marriage.

Worthington, E.L. (1999). Hope-Focused Marriage Counseling: A Guide to Brief Therapy. Downers Grove, IL: Intervarsity.

Violence Against Christians

2011-11-12T11:39:00.000-05:00

I want to take a break from my marriage series to comment on the events in Egypt. On October 9th twenty-one Christians were killed by the Egyptian military who currently have power in Egypt. Reports say that they were killed by being run over by armoured vehicles or were shot with live ammunition (as opposed to the non-lethal riot gear that is available). These Christians were part of a protest march responding to a church being destroyed earlier that year. This weekend hundreds marched (without incident) in remembrance of those killed.

How should we respond to such incidents? Perhaps our first response is to place blame and point fingers toward growing Islamic extremism. This is often the first response I hear. However, the recent march in remembrance of the slain Christians included Muslims who are calling for unity. There are those within the Islamic community who realize that violence is not the right answer. Moreover, too many Christians are quick to point the finger and call for retaliation. Is this a Christian response. Is this truly following the man who said, "Blessed are the peacemakers."

News reports say that the military regime in charge in Egypt is trying to stir religious tension. Such tension will allow militant leaders to maintain control and will derail the progress of democracy in that country. They understand that religious tolerance (the kind granted in our First Amendment) will ruin their militant rule. There is a lot we could learn from what is happening in Egypt.

Sources:

Washington Post
Constitution

You are What You Think- Marriage Series

2011-11-03T11:46:00.000-04:00

You have probably heard it said, "you are what you eat." Food provides the nutrients and building blocks that make up your body. Many believe that thoughts or cognitions are what make up a person's life.  From our thoughts come actions (behaviors) and feelings (emotions). Just as right eating results in a healthy body, right thinking results in a healthy life (correct behaviors and positive emotions). According to the King James translation Proverbs 23:7 says, "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he."  Our thoughts play a pivotal role in how we conduct our lives especially in our relationships.
Spouses can develop negative thought patterns about their relationship or spouse.  For example, early in their relationship a wife allowed her husband to take out the trash when he had time. If he forgot she assumed he was busy. Later in the marriage she might develop the thought that he is lazy. Now if he does not take the trash out right away it is because he is lazy. If he forgets she nags him about being lazy. Her change in thinking results in feelings of frustration and nagging behaviors. Likewise, a husband who begins to think of his marriage as "bad" might begin to focus on all the negatives. He may become critical ignoring many positive aspects of the relationship.

How can we battle negative cognitions in our marriage? Consider Philippians 4:8, " Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."  In other words focus on the positives. Anyone can be a critic and point out the negatives. Actively search for the positives in your spouse and in your relationship.

Marital Conflict and Resolution

2011-10-26T14:28:00.000-04:00

Conflict is inevitable and too often viewed as negative. While marriages can experience unhealthy types of conflict, or unhealthy levels of conflict, there needs to be an understanding that conflict can be positive. Conflict is a means to resolve differences. Through the process of conflict we can come to agreement or mutually beneficial compromise. Conflict can clear the air of "cold war" type disagreements that have quietly been preventing intimacy.

Often couples are uncomfortable with the way they fight. Arguments may involve shouting, hurtful comments, door slamming, passive aggressive gestures, or worse. In his book Hope Focused Marriage Counseling, Everett Worthington offers an acrostic with the letters L.O.V.E. Consider how the following applies to conflict:

Listen and repeat (paraphrase)
Observe the effect you are having
Value your partner (and refuse to devalue them)
Evaluate your goals

If people were better listeners a lot of arguing would be prevented. Usually couples want the same things and differ slightly on how to go about achieving goals. Demonstrating good listening tells your spouse they are valued and cuts some of the negative emotions involved in conflict.

Observing your effects means you pay attention to how your spouse is responding. If they are cringing or backing away it is a cue to change your tone. They may not be hearing your message because of the delivery style. Adjust your actions accroding to your spouse's responses.

Valuing and refusing to devalue means you will keep it a clean fight. Insults are out of bounds if you want to keep conflicts healthy. Assume good will and avoid devaluing your partner's position.

Evaluating goals means you keep the main thing the main thing. Too often conflicts drift into multiple topics. Keeping the focus on the topic of disagreement can prevent complications and the argument becoming personal.

Couples should practice communicating according to the LOVE model. It is a lot easier to communicate this way when emotions are not running high. The more practice the more likely a couple will be prepared when conflicts do come about.

Marriage Series- Confession, Repentance, and Forgiveness

2011-10-12T10:18:00.000-04:00

All too often we separate the sacred and the secular and thus pigeonholing our Christianity to Sunday morning. Words such as confession, repentance and forgiveness have as much place at home on Monday, or at our workplace on Tuesday as they do in church on Sunday. These concepts are especially valid in marriage. However, we often misuse these practices as a way to change our spouse (very often to our liking or expectations).

Confession is given, not taken. It takes courage and trust to enable someone to make a confession. That person has to believe that forgiveness will be extended to them. If they are met with anger or criticism it is likely they will not offer confession again. Romans tells us that we have all sinned. The apostle John emphasizes that denying sin makes us liars. Our spouses will fail us. If we value honesty in our relationship then we need to be able to respond to confession with forgiveness.

Repentance is something else that cannot be forced. You cannot make someone genuinely repent. It is their choice. This does not mean you have to accept certain behaviors. If your spouse acts condescendingly toward you certainly state your thoughts and feelings. Moreover, you can choose to walk away or not listen when you are being spoken to in a hurtful way. This is your right. However, to try and nag, argue, or fight them to repentance is unhealthy. Such behaviors create a parent-child interaction and is not a marriage of equals. Real, genuine repentance is not the result of manipulating behaviors.

Forgiveness is probably the most difficult and least understood of all the concepts here. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting and it certainly does not mean justifying (saying something was OK or "fine" when it was hurtful and damaging). Honesty is the first step in forgiveness. An honest assessment of the hurt. Honest statements such as, "your anger bothers me and is not OK" or "forgetting my birthday hurts my feelings" is the best way to begin forgiveness. The hurt person needs to acknowledge the damage before they can forgive it. Jesus never said it was OK to crucify him. He also never justified the behavior of sinners, yet he forgives them. Forgiveness is choosing your response to the hurt. There is rarely (if ever) a time when a person has earned or deserves forgiveness. It is always a gift. In marriage repentance can aid in the process of forgiveness but is not necessary to forgive. A person can choose to forgive an unrepentant spouse. Again, this does not mean you sugar coat the hurt, rather you choose to respond to the hurt with love. This is Christian maturity at its best and the reason why faith has to be one of the parts of a healthy marriage.

Marriage Series- Confession and Forgiveness

2011-10-03T21:13:00.000-04:00

James 5:16 tells us to confess our faults or sins to one another. Doing so requires a depth of relationship that goes well beyond your average acquaintance. In order to openly confess faults one needs to be vulnerable. Instead of being vulnerable we are often the opposite- defensive. Defenses can be healthy and can keep us from engaging in hurtful interactions. Healthy defenses I refer to as Boundaries after the Cloud and Townsend books by the same title. However, unhealthy defensiveness keeps us from fully experiencing intimacy. John Gottman named defensiveness as one of the four horseman of marital apocalypse (see this article for more on this).

How do we overcome defensiveness and attain the ability to confess? If I am the one being defensive I need to understand why. What is the perceived threat that makes me defensive. Perhaps my spouse is hurting me in some way. If so I need to communicate this and extend forgiveness. If it is insecurity, then I need to meditate on my value in Christ (check out this article on Christians and self esteem). If my spouse is being defensive then I need to understand the threat. Have I hurt my spouse in some way? If so then I confess and ask forgiveness. If it is insecurity then I need to be supportive.

Again, the solution begins with me whether or not I am the problem. I can only change what I do and my perception of the relationship.

This week we are confessing our shortcomings as part of our talk time. This is a risky move but I hope a lot of confession and forgiveness comes out of the assignment.

Marriage series- Expectations

2011-09-28T10:13:00.000-04:00

This past week we looked at the William James quote that "happiness is performance divided by expectation." The math gifted among us insisted that I add, "if happiness equals 1." This means that our expectations for our spouse and our perception of their performance need to balance. Discord comes when expectations are high and performance is low or vice versa. Some considerations:

Do I expect too much or too little from my spouse?
Is my performance as good as it could/should be?
Have I adequately communicated AND demonstrated my expectations?
How do low expectations affect my spouse?

Low expectations are particularly hurtful to men who are usually seeking significance. Overly high expectations are particularly hurtful to women who want to feel approval (securtiy).

It is valuable to remember that you can't change the expectations or performance of your spouse. We only have power over our own thinking and behavior. We can altar our performance or shift our expectations. So what do we do about the discord?

Grace means we lower expectations even when performance below par. We extend forgiveness to a spouse who holds rigidlly high expectations over us. Encouragment comes when we raise our expectations and recognize a capable spouse. The best question to ask yourself is, "How did God respond to me when I fell short of His expectations?" The answer can be found in Romans 5:8.

Values in Marriage

2011-09-19T10:34:00.000-04:00

The standout phrase from yesterday's class is, "it is important to me because it is important to you." This is where the Christian marriage should have an advantage. At the center of Christian doctrine is to make sacrifices for others. Believers consider the second greatest command to be, “love your neighbor as yourself.” How is it then that Christians struggle to love their spouse as themselves? It comes down to the choice to devalue the other person.

In Hope Focused Marriage Counseling, Dr. Worthington defines love as “being willing to value the other person and being unwilling to devalue that person” (xxix). There are numerous passages that speak to the value of the individual (the parables of Luke 15 come to mind).

When we value another person equal to ourselves it becomes apparent in our speech, actions, use of time, etc. What that person values becomes important to us. Differences in values are expected and accepted. Conflicts will occur but they will take on a different tone… more on this when we get to the lesson on conflict resolution.

Some questions to consider (and maybe respond to here). Why is it so hard to accept and respect another person’s values? Where do our values come from? Do our values change over time? How do we work out differences in our core values?

Worthington, E.L. (1999). Hope-Focused Marriage Counseling: A Guide to Brief Therapy. Downers Grove, IL: Intervarsity Press.

Ongoing Marriage Series

2011-09-11T21:23:00.000-04:00

I like to combine things when I can. It might be a little bit of a lazy streak but I like to simplify life as much as possible. My sermon a couple of Sunday's ago was based on an assigned reading task for school. Due to a busy schedule I have not been able to blog. SO, I am going to blog about marriage as a supplement to my Sunday morning marriage class. I hope to generate discussion with people who are outside of our class (and comments from those in the class are welcome too). I am doing this so I can blog but not put extra thought into it. Hope you don't feel cheated.

So, today we talked about relationships sinking into an automatic mode. This tends to take the form of mutual tasks (ex. she wakes and feeds the kids while he feeds and walks the dog). When life transitions these and roles change (kids move out so what does she do now?) it can be a problem if our relationship is founded on such things. We need to have value beyond the tasks we perform for each other. Dr. Larry Crabb says that people are trying to fill 2 basic needs. A need for security (safety, love and belonging) and a need for significance (usefulness, purpose, a reason to live beyond self). Ultimately, Dr. Crabb says these needs are met in God through Christ. However, are security and significance values we have in our relationship? A wife might ask, "would he still love me is I didn't feed him every day?" A husband might ask, "Would she still love me if I didn't take out the trash?" Security and significance are vital aspects to a healthy marriage. Chances are he wants to feel significant in the relationship and she wants to feel secure.

Crabb, L.J. (1977). Effective biblical counseling: A model for helping caring Christians become capable counselors. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

Belonging

2011-08-10T14:26:00.000-04:00

The desire to belong to a group is a powerful motivator. In adolescent culture belonging is a primary goal that occupies a lot of time and effort. It is no wonder that people who visit churches rank "a warm, friendly greeting" and "friendly atmosphere" as their top priorities. Books, articles, and websites are written about these topics. Entire ministries are dedicated to welcoming visitors. What does this say? We want to belong. We want to be welcomed into a group of people. We want to be accepted. In my work with youth I have seen amazing acts of acceptance and I have seen painful acts of rejection. It is very hard to bring someone into the church after they have experienced rejection (in fact I have never managed to undo such damage).

Let's take this concept outside the walls of our place of worship. If we are a people who can welcome others then we have met a great need. Warm hospitality is the answer to how to evangelize. Consider what it would take for you to feel fully accepted at your congregation. This is a clue to the type of person you need to be. This can be accomplished via a full expression of love.

Church Shopping Continued

2011-08-01T11:44:00.000-04:00

I wanted to continue the discussion of church shopping and hopefully glean some more insights from readers on the topic. After rereading my first post and having some discussions there are some additional considerations to contemplate.

When I go shopping I am looking for an item... jeans would be a good example. So, when I go shopping for jeans I am looking for a pair of jeans. There may be some other factors that I consider such as size, comfort and style. When my wife goes shopping she is looking for a LOT more. If she is jeans shopping she considers size, style, comfort, quality, price, season, how the item will work with the rest of her wardrobe, whether or not she has the right footwear for said jeans, other stores that might have the same jeans at a better price, etc. Her shopping has depth. Anyone who undergoes the process of church shopping should proceed with the same depth. The last post focused on the worship experience. This single factor is not enough. Other questions that need to be considered include:

Are the practices of this congregation Biblically sound?
Is there a mature leadership to help me grow?
Are the people forming a loving community?
Do I have something to contribute to this congregation?

The church is big. When I say the church I mean those people who are separate or called out... meaning those who are in Christ. This post is not intended to define those who are saved and those who are not. I am merely saying that the church is everywhere. I am a member of this called out group wherever life may take me. As I move through life I need to worship. I need to seek fellow believers. I need to live as one who is separate or set apart for God.

Window Shopping Churches

2011-07-20T15:40:00.000-04:00

Is it OK to window shop for a worship experience? I can't tell you how much this question has been plaguing my mind! Perhaps to correctly frame the discussion I need to back up and talk about the concept of a worship experience. Such a subjective term really. What bores me may excite you and my solemn moment may be your time to celebrate.  Overall I am referring to the thoughts and feelings a person has during worship. There are those who believe that personal experience should be removed from worship so that God is the only beneficiary of that time. Noble, but impossible. We are part of the worship equation. Worshipping God will affect us in some way.  Should we benefit from the experience? YES! David delighted in meditating on the precepts of the Lord. We should desire to worship God and to benefit from being in communion with God.

Now, with the proper backstory I return to my original question. Is it OK to shop for a worship experience? It is OK to have certain expectations for worship- what it should or should not be.  Many of the prophets along with Paul and James discuss worship that is unacceptable. However, there is not much defining the "acceptable."  There are those elements that need to be present such as singing, encouragement, reading of scripture, fellowship, communion, etc.  Very little talks about how we package or present these elements of worship.

If you're paying attention you have noticed that I did not answer the question yet.  I have to concede... I don't know for sure. Here is what I do know:

Worship should be about God
I should benefit from worship
It needs to be done in community

The best conclusion I can draw is that I should not rely on anyone to create my worship experience for me. My relationship with God should primarily dictate how I experience worship. Rereading that statement I fear I sound too relativistic. I would benefit from hearing what others think about this topic.

gnats

2011-07-11T14:37:00.000-04:00

As I sat and gazed across a sunlit field I saw a swarm of gnats hovering over the meadow. They formed an undulating cloud as they flitted back and forth. It made me wonder about what they were doing? What is their purpose? What is their place in the universe? I'm sure they had some purpose that seemed valuable to them, but pointless to me. Were they driven to eat, drink, mate? What else could they possibly be doing?

The image of a busy city street came to mind. People buzzing here and there going about whatever business they have. How like the gnats we must seem to God. Our constant bustling about that seems so important to us might seem rather trivial to Him. What purpose do we have? What contribution do we make to the universe. Aren't we just a swarm of gnats? Do we do more than eat, drink, and mate?

Then I considered the teachings of Jesus. How life can have purpose beyond the business of here and now. How Jesus stopped his travels to minister to the needs of people, to heal, and teach. Then there is the reminder that the God of the universe died for the us the gnats. What value does that assign to me? What purpose does that give me? Where place in the universe does that assign me? As Acts 17:28 says, "For in Him we live and move and have our being..." How can I live for more?

Collecting Wages

2011-06-29T00:27:00.000-04:00

This week I finished up a series on Why Bad Things Happen that Howard and I have been teaching. Similar lessons have been taught other churches from time to time. Often the title is something like, "Why Bad Things Happen to Good People." One of the problems I have with this is that bad things happen to all people whether they are good or bad. A more legitamate question would be, "why do bad things happen at all?" Why does a loving and gracious God allow any bad things to happen? It goes against our sense of justice to think that a powerful God allows suffering. However, we need to remember that God has nothing to do with bringing about suffering. In Genesis we read that God created a perfect environment devoid of suffering. When sin entered the world suffering became a part of the human experience. Created by disobedience and perpetuated endlessly by all people, sin destroyed the peace of Eden. Romans 6 tells us that "the wages of sin is death..." People have been collecting those wages from the time of Adam on. There has been spiritual decay and physcial death but there has also been broken relationships, hurt feelings, abuse, etc. The presence of sin in the world means the wages add up. The Church's mission is to combat the wages of sin bringing life and healing. As the second part of the Romans 6 passage says, "...but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Such Sweet Sorrow

2011-06-24T10:53:00.000-04:00

We have come to the end of our week here at Manuelito Children’s Home. How can we measure our week? If we consider tasks completed we fixed a water main break, renovated an office and kitchen area, dug out a clogged culvert, hung 160’ of rain gutter, painted a house, 2 sheds and an art room. Somehow this does not sum up our week. If we measure our week by the activities we di sidewalk chalk art, water fights, card games and campfires. During our downtime we pushed kids on swings and played. Still, this does not sum up our week. Our teens learned new skills and increased their self-esteem. Jake learned to drive stick shift and Matt enjoyed wearing John Deere hats and cruising around in a beat up Chevy pickup. We hiked the mesas and enjoyed breath taking vistas. At night the stars dazzled us as we looked up in awe of the universe God made.

New friendships were formed and unforgettable moments were etched into memories for life. Tonight, as the sun set in the west, we sat around our campfire and enjoyed our last evening together. We shared some of our favorite campfire songs with the children here (Little Red Wagon was a BIG hit). Jim and Norman (staff members here) shared their powerful testimonies with us. The glowing embers illuminated the faces of our new friends as the sun sank below the horizon. I know that Saturday brings thousands of miles of separation. The children and staff here will be in our thoughts and prayers.

This week we gave a meager offering and God did more than I could possibly think or imagine with it. My conclusion is that there is no way to adequately measure this week… it is a priceless treasure.

On the Front Lines

2011-06-23T14:52:00.000-04:00

It is the midpoint of our week here at Manuelito Children’s home and I already know my heart will break a little when it is time to leave. I know each child’s name and personality. During the day we concerned ourselves with cutting a new door frame, framing a wall, scraping, painting, and hanging rain gutters. After our work day we enjoyed a water battle and the sounds of laughter echoed all around. Kids and adults alike played with carefree bliss. In the evening some of the teens here joined our group in a rowdy game of spoons. It was a good day and I thank God for it.

We invited the entire home plus the local minister’s family and a group from El Paso to a cookout tonight. Our 40+ guests enjoyed hamburgers, hotdogs, macaroni & cheese, baked beans, watermelon, and chocolate pudding for dessert. The true meaning of fellowship was realized as we deepened our friendships with the house parents and kids here. The staff here is really amazing. They are hard enough to deal with the climate (it was in the 90s today and we were told about a -40 degree day this past winter) yet they are gently raising children desperately in need of love and attention. We get to come and sprint for a week while the staff runs a continuous marathon. My prayer is that our efforts here will have lasting impact on the home, children, and staff.

Today it occurred to me that we are at the front lines of a tremendous battle. On one side you have a world of poverty, alcoholism, self-indulgence, abuse, etc. On the other side you have Christians giving love in an attempt to redeem kids from the aforementioned evils. The people here tell their stories… some are victories and sadly some are defeats.

On Route 66

2011-06-22T23:29:00.000-04:00

Manuelito Children’s home is nestled between route 66 and route 40. In the distance on either side you can see a continuous stream of rigs 24/7. Running parallel to route 66 are several sets of train tracks. Long trains pulled by multiple engines hauling freight pass by every few minutes. It is ironic that the commerce of America runs through this quiet, desolate place.

Rick and Sherri Owens drove 6 hours to come and have a brief visit with us. They were the missionaries we worked with for years in Mexico. I was shocked to hear his stories of the conditions in Mexico. Some of the churches we worked with are being terrorized by drug cartels. Rick told us that a young man who helped us in Monterrey was kidnapped and held for ransom (the church members had to raise thousands of pesos get him back alive). My heart sank more and more as the Owen’s told us about bodies being hung from overpasses, church members in hiding, and the thousands of deaths this year in Mexico. I miss being able to go there and I need to pray more for the people we know there.

As the wealth of America is transported by this little place I am reminded even more of how blessed we are. We have money, resources, and peace. Let us not hide in our comfort until we are unable to see the discomforts of this world. As the church we need to be the change in the world God desires. Let His will be done, and His kingdom come to these places.

A Day in the Sun

2011-06-20T18:30:00.000-04:00

Sunday was a day of worship and rest as our team recovered from the long trip to Gallup. We were surprised with a visit from Jonathan and Sarah Walker and their beautiful family. Monday morning we coated ourselves with sunblock, chapstick, and bug spray and went to work. The sun was bright but temperatures never exceeded the upper 80s. However, with the low humidity sweat would evaporate immediately. The key word is DRY.

One team dug a deeply buried main line that was leaking and repaired it. Another team helped with some fundraising activities, and another team is renovating a kitchen into an office area. The team is working hard and getting a lot accomplished. In fact we will have to find some extra projects to keep us busy. When we have down time we play with the wonderful children who live here.

Mission Trip Day 1

2011-06-20T18:12:00.000-04:00

After a four hour flight and a 2+ hour drive our team has arrived safely in Gallup, New Mexico. The scene around us is rugged, a view direct from any Western movie. Brown dust dotted with dry sage brush. Prairie dogs scurry about. Nothing resembles home here. The wind swept rock faces, 4% humidity, constantly blowing dust, heat and mile and a quarter elevations (we are higher than Denver here) combine to create an unfamiliar environment.

After settling in we met the 11 children who reside here. This place, so strange to us, is their home… their life. I have already heard several sad stories of how these kids came to be here. To many of us the experiences of these children are just as unfamiliar as our surroundings. I cannot help but be reminded of how deeply blessed we all are.

Our plans are to work on the facilities during the day and to do various activities with the children in the evenings… games, crafts, songs, sports, etc. There will be an opportunity for each team member to use their gifts. I can’t wait to see what we can accomplish this week!

The First Step

2011-06-17T22:43:00.000-04:00

It is Friday, the end of a very fulfilling VBS week. Just a few weeks ago 70+ volunteers were involved in our community service day. This past week 60+ kids were blessed through our VBS. At 4:30am I will be leaving for our mission trip in New Mexico. Our team is going to the Manuelito Navajo Children's home in Gallup, NM (see http://www.mnch.org/ for more info). What does God have in store for this coming week? What challenges will we face. What opportunities are awaiting us? Please pray for our team. Also, you can comment here with notes of encouragement that I will share with our group every night at devotionals. Check back in for updates and pictures!

Eternal Investment

2011-06-09T15:55:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow Amanda and I go to meet with our financial advisor. At this once a year meeting we hear all about how we are progressing toward our financial goals.  Our goals are to pay off our home, help our kids with college expenses, and eventually retire. Our advisor tells us what to do with our money to accomplish these goals. Yesterday we sold a vehicle that had 2 years of payments left.  We sold it in order to eliminate our car payment. This small sacrifice was made to help us reach our goals.

In Matthew 6 Jesus tells us to store treasures in heaven.  Honestly, I am not certain what heavenly treasure is. I doubt that it is currency or heavenly real estate (a cloud condo with golf course view). I will do my best to share an educated guess.

We spend 40+ hours a week securing our housing, food, clothing, utilities and savings. I think Jesus is telling us that we should be spending some time securing our salvation. Investing time and effort into being good Christians has eternal value. Once our salvation is secure I think we need to turn our focus to that which God values most... people.   By bringing others to Christ we are expanding the kingdom of heaven. In so doing we are storing up souls in eternity.

What are your heavenly goals? What sacrifices might need to be made to accomplish these goals? How much time and effort do we put into kingdom investments?

This is the day

2011-05-24T12:47:00.000-04:00

In the 118 Psalm the writer declares, "this is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it." When I read these words I consider all that can happen in a day. Not just on a personal level, but on a global level. In any given day someone dies and someone is born. Another day of war somewhere in the world. Perhaps peace was made somewhere in the world. Sins are committed and sins are repented of. On any given day a couple is married while another marriage comes to an end. One doctor heals a patient while another doctor delivers bad news to an anxious family. It is likely that all of these things occur on any given day. Overseeing all of this is God. God brings about the blessings of the positive and God also is present during the bad. He works each day to bring about the good even in the midst of evil. So, whatever a day may bring we can truly rejoice and be glad in it because God made that day.

On Sex and Love

2011-05-11T14:15:00.000-04:00

Advertisers have discovered that manipulating a natural drive is a great way to sell a product. Corporations have done more to define sexuality in the last two centuries than we would ever imagine. I wonder... what would sexuality be like if there was no advertising? Imagine a world where men would not even consider objectifying women. Can you think of sex as a by product of a committed, loving relationship and not vice-versa? What if the concepts of love and attractiveness were not tangled together in ways God never intended? The Bible refers to Satan as a liar and the father of lies. The church should be on the forefront of the truth regarding sex and sexuality. We run and hide from this topic and let the world twist this gift from God. I would like to see the church play a greater role in defining sex and sexuality in our culture. What impact this would have on divorce rates, teen pregnancy, eating disorders, abortion, disease, and more.

Here are some additional resources to check out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJ5JUwOokAQ&feature=related
How Evil Works: Understanding and Overcoming the Destructive Forces That Are Transforming America
Why True Love Waits by Josh McDowell

Disciple

2011-04-27T13:54:00.000-04:00

It has caught my attention that the word disciple has been popping up more and more in secular usage especially in the business world (see http://www.willmancini.com/2010/01/if-steve-jobs-made-disciples.html) for an example. Basically the idea is to find a leader, teacher, mentor and glean all that one can from that person. To follow them, learn from them, copy them, and then be able to do what they do. The business world understands the value of discipleship. Sometimes I wonder if the church has lost sight of the value of discipleship. To follow Jesus as a disciple means we learn from Him, copy Him, and then find ourselves able to do the things He did. In his video Dust, Rob Bell suggests that we fear copying Christ to the point of being like Him because we doubt ourselves (view it here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_-fDTzNz9s). We doubt our ability to be Christ-like. I think we do fear Christ-likeness but for different reasons. I think we fear being a disciple and becoming Christ-like because of the cost. We don't want to pay the price of discipleship. More on this to come.

A Prayer for my Children

2011-04-20T15:35:00.000-04:00

Dear God,
I thank you for my children. Please let me be worthy of their innocence. Help me father to keep their joy while overcoming their fears. May I never forget how to play in the yard you have given me. Humble me and let me be little before you yet give me the strength to protect them when I need to. Redeem me as a parent so that you might be successful despite my failings. Remind me everyday that they are yours and you have entrusted me to their care. Help me be worthy of such a trust. Amen.

Taking a Risk

2011-04-18T13:05:00.000-04:00

Dormant. Or maybe another word that can be used is stagnant. In moments of inactivity it is harder to see God (my personal opinion). God is much easier to see in the midst of activity. Whether that activity is ministry work, tragedy, or blessing it is easier to see God in these moments. One of the best ways to see God is to take a little risk. Not the foolish kind of risk (for more on this see Proverbs) but the living-like-Christ kind. The letting your light shine kind of risk. The, "I will trust you in this because it makes no earthly sense to me" kind of risk. This might mean going on a mission, giving a large gift, diving into a ministry area, making a commitment to volunteer a number of hours, making a confession etc. In our group we call this the BSS or Big Scary Step. For Abraham it was the first steps leaving his home country. For Peter it was the first step out of the boat. What will it be in your life?

A Top 10 Tough Challenge

2011-04-12T18:47:00.000-04:00

I am working on a list of 10 hard things in anticipation of a series of lessons that Adam Markle and I will be teaching soon. I would really like to hear what everyone out there thinks about the tough things God asks of us. To prime the pumps I am going to say that one of the toughest things we are called to do is live in community with one another. We are so diverse and unique that it is hard for two people to live together- much less a congregation of 180. However, for some reason God calls us to live in community and do so with unity and peace. Not easy... what are your thoughts? What has God asked of us that is tough?

On Divorce

2011-04-06T12:42:00.000-04:00

Whoa, did I get a lot of emails about divorce after my last post (Divine Ventriloquist). There is such a variety of thoughts and emotions on this topic that I thought I should clarify with an add-on post.

To begin I have seen teachings that say Malachi 2:16 is not referring to divorce as we understand it... this is not so. The context of the passage will tell you that God is referring to a broken marriage. In verse 14 God is angry over the broken promise and ruined relationship. The context of this verse is marital unfaithfulness and I will address that in a moment.

Also, this passage is directed toward men. Culturally we understand that in that time period women could not make the decision to divorce. This does not excuse women from similar admonishment.

Third, I do not believe that divorce is an unforgiveable sin. However, I do believe that sin is involved in divorce. Fighting, arguing, and selfishness, are a part of the process that leads to divorce. Anger, jealousy, bitterness may also have been part of the process. These things are hurtful, sad, and not what God intends for or from His people. We can be tempted to play the blame game of his fault or her fault but that is more of the same division. The church should focus more on prevention and healing than on assigning fault or guilt.

Additionally, I do believe there are circumstances that are the darkest of all. Child abuse or spousal abuse are sins that anger God. Unfaithfulness is one of those anger-invoking sins that is mentioned directly in Malachi. Such circumstances are complex and should not be met with simple responses. I have been awed at the willingness of a spouse to forgive cheating. I have been confused at the unwillingness of a spouse to escape abuse. These cases have no easy answers and should be addressed individually with much prayer.

Divorce is messy, ugly and hurtful. God hates divorce because it hurts his people when they go through it. It does not say that God hates divorcees. He does not. However, it angers Him when His children are hurting and hurting each other.

I think this adequately responds to the emails I have gotten. Would like to see some of that discussion here so that everyone could give input.

The Divine Ventriloquist

2011-04-05T16:57:00.000-04:00

How many of us are perfecting our ventriloquist act? You know, the ability to make your voice appear to come from some inanimate object (such as a puppet). Many people are experts at ventriloquism and don't even realize it. What I am referring to is the number of people who are able to make their own voice come out of God. Almost all of us have this amazing ability to make God say what we want Him to say instead of listening to His divine voice.

For some this occurs when they read scripture. They want the Bible to say certain things or not say other things. We apply political correctness to the timeless truths until we hear our own voice coming out of the scriptures. It takes rigorous discipline to approach the Bible in as neutral and open-minded way as possible. Without such discipline we will certainly be performing ventriloquism before we know it.

Others confuse their own thoughts and desires for the will of God in their life. More and more I have heard of husbands who have left wife and kids because, "God wants me to be happy." Is it too politically incorrect to tell you that Malachi 2:16 says, "God hates divorce?" He hates it because it means somewhere in that relationship someone (maybe both someones) did not act Christ-like. It means that a covenant was broken. Maybe there was abuse? No doubt such a thing breaks God's heart. How dare people then say that God wants them to divorce? God wants them to run off with someone else? I don't think so. Quite an act of ventriloquism!

Finally, this can be done on a corporate level too. There are times when the church can get so mired in tradition, cultural practices, and particular interpretations/teachings that it will not listen to God's voice in the present. Maybe new teachings or cultural changes (that are acceptable) will be rejected meaninglessly. Leaders need to avoid replacing God's voice with their own.

My conclusions on the matter is that we are still caught up in the first sin. In Genesis satan tempted Eve by telling her she would be like God. We are still trying to be God. We are silencing Him and filling in our own voice instead. We are not being image bearers but image changers. Trying to make God in our image.

Cares about cancer

2011-03-27T21:55:00.000-04:00

Amanda is certainly more the crusader when it comes to cancer than I. However, I cannot help but think of all the people who have had their lives changed (even if momentarily) by cancer. I think of this because this weekend we had the joy of being part of a dinner, dance and auction benefitting City of Hope. This amazing organization has developed cancer treatments that I can't begin to spell, but my wife uses every week in her work as an oncology nurse. What they do amazes me and I believe that God is producing miracles through science and research. Pray for people who have cancer. Pray for the people who are on the front lines fighting cancer. Pray for those who are searching for a cure. Pray for a cure.

Buried Deep

2011-03-25T22:20:00.000-04:00

I have never buried money. There is no gold in my back yard or maps with X marking the spot anywhere in my house. The very idea of burying money seems really strange to me. Money is a tool. It is meant to be spent, invested, donated, exchanged, saved etc. It is not meant to be dormant. Money is meant to be used and useful. Consider this the next time you read the parable of the talents (Matthew 25:14-30). The boss is angry when he returns to find that one of his servants buried his money instead of using it.

There are so many things that we have been given that we overlook. All the readers of this blog who I know have at least average (or above) intelligence, have no physical handicaps, have a home and family, etc. These very basic things are so easily taken for granted- so easily buried. Many of us have been lied to and believe that there is nothing we are unable to do anything of significance in this world. But, you do have something to offer.

All too often the blessing you have get buried. These things get lost in the midst of media noise, business, or lies. Choosing to veg instead of putting talents to use. Believing that you have no talents. Or being too caught up in lesser activities.

Get out the shovel, uncover your talents (no matter how small) and put them to use. This is why they were given to you in the first place.

My Flesh

2011-03-23T13:36:00.000-04:00

There are 420 calories in a pack of cinnamon and brown sugar Pop-Tarts. Normally, I would not care one bit. However, I am getting ready for the 5k benefiting Olivia's House on April 2. Part of my preparing is to cut back so that there is less Ken to move around the track! Thus, my Pop-Tart dilemma. As I sit here eating the last few bites I am reminded of our lesson on Sunday. Genetic predispositions and the Holy Spirit was the lofty topic that we got into. Here is where I will confess... I am a foodie. Food knows me by name and I answer its siren call. I do not fast often (and when I do it is for a ridiculously short period of time) becuase I do not want to fail in a commitment to God (thus missing the whole point of fasting to begin with).

It is here that I would like to blame my genes. I have some gene in my cells that makes my chemistry light up when I am eating. There is some part of my brain programmed to be happy in the presence of pasta. Late night snacking is a direct result of my DNA. SO, I should give up the fight and be fat and happy... right?

Well, what about the genetic predisposition toward Alcoholism? My genes, and the way they affect the neurochemical Gamma-amino butyric acid or GABA, have some effect on my risk for alcoholism (see http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=26119 for more info). Now, having alcoholism in my family history it is likely that I may have the genes that are linked to alcoholism. A genetic predisposition. SO, should I give up the fight and be fat, drunk, and, well, not so happy?

This is all based on the physical part of me... my genes and DNA. Let's call this physical part "the flesh" and the predispositions "the desires of the flesh." My genes and DNA want Pop-Tarts and 420 calories of brown sugar deliciousness. Can I say no to the desires of the flesh? What about the spiritual part of me? What about my free-will and my ability to choose? What about my spirit? What about God's Holy Spirit.

In I Corinthians 6 Paul says that he will not let anything master him. He will not become a slave to the desires of the flesh. It is not easy to deny your flesh those things that are being desired even to the genetic level... but it is possible. Am I an alcoholic? NO (and that is not denial- I really am not). Why not? Because I refuse to let alcohol be a part of my life. I will not give it the chance to master me. There are sins that I am actively struggling with and they may be things I am genetically predisposed to. I will not just give up the struggle and accept them as a part of my life. This is where my free-will, my spirit, and God's Holy Spirit work together.

The Little Things

2011-03-20T14:15:00.000-04:00

It is the little things that make all of the difference. It is the little things that evade me sometimes. Remembering to send a text message to my wife during the day. Taking a little extra time with each child at bedtime. Interacting directly with each teen in the group. Those little gestures are easy to forget but can have a profound impact.

I believe that God is asking us everyday if we can be trusted in the little things. Those small acts of kindness or compassion that add up to make the world a better place. Taking the time to listen to someone complain about their rough morning. Remembering to send thank you cards. Calling someone on their birthday. These are not great acts of Christian service... but they are important. In the parable of the talents we read that those who were faithful in small acts can then be trusted with much more. If you want to be a world-changer then you need to prove faithful in the small acts.

Being an Extremist

2011-03-14T15:25:00.000-04:00

I will admit that I was a little nervous going into last night's lesson. Teaching on controversial topics needs to be done, but needs to be done with caution. I was cautious making sure my references were correct, checking with my wife to make sure I was on track, and praying for guidance through the process. You may wonder why I would go through such trouble? Why not stick to a safer topic? Well, the answer is very simple- we need to maintain a moral standard. Fear is a motivator of silence. When certain topics are made to be taboo, then fear keeps us from addressing them. There shouldn't be a topic that we fear.

That being said, there are those people in the world who are controversial just for the sake of notoriety. This is wrong. Blessed are the peacemakers. We need more peacemakers, not more controversy.

Now, I wonder if there will come a time when anyone maintaining a moral standard will be viewed as an extremist? I already feel like I am viewed that way sometimes. When I speak to teens about how it is wrong to pirate music or movies they roll their eyes at me. I am sure it seems extreme to some to label pirating as stealing. Dare we even discuss such simingly trivial things as using the Lord's name in vain and whether or not the text version OMG! is acceptable?

I do not want to hen peck, or nitpick, or strain gnats, or whatever description fits best. It is not my goal to turn legalistic. However, it is my goal to value standards. I do not want to compromise morals. Certainly I don't want the next generation to not hear a message because it was unpopular or controversial. What do you think?

What I Have That God Doesn't

2011-03-08T08:45:00.000-05:00

According to Psalm 50 God "owns the cattle on a thousand hills." This is an ancient way of saying God owns it all. In fact much of Psalm 50 is dedicated to reminding us of that fact. When we truly understand this comment it makes giving seem sort of silly. God has made everything I can see and has placed everything I own within my hands. It is by his hand that I was born in this wealthy nation and not in some poverty stricken, war-ravaged country. So, when I give what am I doing? Giving God what is already His. I think it is much bigger than that. Giving is a spiritual act. When I write a check, donate food or clothes, or volunteer my time I am giving freewill.

Freewill is the one thing God does not own. When He created people he bestowed upon us something very unique... the ability to reject Him. We were given choice a.k.a freewill. God wanted us to choose Him willingly. So, when we choose to give we are giving our ability to direct our resources to God. An example of this would be the choice of buying an ipod or buying groceries for a needy family. By choosing the groceris I am submitting my will to God. He will never make me do such things, but rejoices when I freely choose to do so. I have something I can give God that He doesn't already have... my freewill.

I'm not a Mac, or a PC (dependence continued)

2011-03-07T13:04:00.000-05:00

In my last post I blasted away a little at the Western notion of independence. It has positives but, especially for those of us in the faith, it can exact a high cost. However, like most things dependence can be taken to an extreme or ill founded.  One example is dependence on things that define you.  Corporations discovered that people (and especially teens) are defining who they are but what they own. Skeptical? Remember these ads http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5z0Ia5jDt4 that divide people into "macs" and "PCs"?  Isn't the point of this ad that what computer you use defines who you are? Of course PC had to remind us that, "I am Windows 7." There are thousands of other products that are marketed to people looking for identity.

Another means of dependence that is not healthy is dependence on relationships to define us.  The need to be dating or in a relationship in order to feel complete. This notion has transformed the high school dating scene from puppy love and bouts of jealousy to vicious online intimidation, outbursts of violence or worse.  Any relationship where the lines of individuality are blurred is bordering on overly dependent and unhealthy.

How do we live in close community and yet maintain a healthy independence? First, I would say that you have to consider your role in the community. If you can define your place and highlight your unique cotribution to the whole you are in a healthy place. Also, I would say consider the outcomes. Does your relying on others better the whole? Or, is your dependence draining the whole (maybe someone else's dependence on you is draining you).  One example of this are the marketers who profit from your dependence on their product. In the church the entire body is blessed from healthy dependence on one another. Finally, I need to know how God would define me.  What did God create me to be and do?

Developing Dependence

2011-03-01T09:43:00.000-05:00

Why do we value independence so much? Maybe it is because our country was founded by declaring independence from another country? It could be due to the fact that much of our society is based on personal liberty? Whatever the reason it is appearant to me that individualism is a value that ingrained. There are many wonderful aspects of independence that I would promote, however, this post is more about the problems that can come from independence.

It is out of a sense of personal independence that can cause a couple not to seek counseling until their marriage near ruin. Independence keeps us from falling to our knees in prayer the first instant we encounter problems. Personal independence can hinder unity in the church.

Let me make a point for dependence. When the founding fathers declared independence from England they depended on the American people to join together and fight. As a nation we have had to come together to protect our personal liberties. Much more can be accomplished in a group than individually. For example, two horses can pull about 9,000 pounds. How many pounds can four horses pull? The arithmetical response is 18,000. Sounds reasonable – but it's wrong! Four horses can actually pull over 30,000 pounds (http://www.1000ventures.com/business_guide/crosscuttings/synergy.html). Depending on each other can be a very good and very productive thing.

The Bible says that Satan is a "roaring lion looking for someone to devour" (1 Peter 5:8). I have seen enough nature shows to know that you want to be in a herd when predators are around. It is the animal that gets separated from the pack who is at the most risk.

Ok, this is my point about dependence. Next post we are going to look at what happens when the pendulum swings too far the other direction- when dependence becomes and unhealthy thing.

The Dash in Between

2011-02-24T11:04:00.001-05:00

I first heard the concept of the "Dash" in the Chris Rice song "Tick-Tock (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNTbgbLev4s)." There are a couple of poems that address the same thought (see http://www.agentz.com/Inspirational/dash.html). The "dash" in question is the line between the date of brith and date of death on a tombstone. At some point in time God formed us and breathed life into us. This breath, wind, energy that God put into us then went forth and began moving around this lump of flesh we reside in. The moment we enter the world will be marked as a birthdate on a stone. At some point the lump of flesh will wear out and they will mark that date on the other side of the dash. What happens in that dash is my concern.

God has granted you a set amount of time. Perhaps we can look at it in terms of money. Let's say God has given you $75. How much of that will you spend on yourself? What kind of things will you accomplish with that money? You could buy a new pair of running shoes that might last a year. Maybe you will want to buy 1 family groceries for a week. You could pay for a well in Africa that will provide water for a village for generations. Obviously there are some investments that will have a longer lasting impact. Some investments can even have eternal impact. You could use your $75 to buy Sunday school materials that teach children how to be saved. You could buy 10 people Bibles and plant the word of God in hearts.

Now, let's get back to the dash concept. What can you do with your dash that will have lasting impact. What can you do with your dash that will have eternal impact? When that second date is hammered on my stone I want to know that my dash will represent an eternal investment. When I leave earth I don't want to leave all my efforts behind. In heaven I want to see the fruit of my life's labor. Those people I taught, served, loved, baptized, counseled, challenged, encountered, parented, grandparented, influenced, etc.

Ponderings on Pain

2011-02-18T20:42:00.000-05:00

Pain can take many forms in our lives. We are all familiar with the late night toe-stubbing type of physical pain. Scrapes, stitches, broken bones, bruises and other assorted ouches that we encounter in life starting from the moment we try walking. The body has an amazing ability to heal these hurts. There are other types of pain that are not so easily overcome. I am not sure if it is possible to separate mental pain from emotional pain, but there seem to be distinctions. Painful memories and the repetition of negative thoughts might be categorized as mental pain. Of course these things often result in emotional turmoil... feelings of guilt, regret, sadness, anger etc. There are so many ways that we try to deal with these types of pains. Denial, avoidance, addiction, prayer, counseling etc.

In one of my counseling classes the question was asked, "is it a counselor's job to alleviate pain?" I don't think so... at least not always. Pain can be a good thing. Pain tells a person something is wrong. Pain reminds you to aim the hammer better. Pain screams, "GET YOUR HAND OFF THE HOT STOVE DUMMY!" Mental and emotional pain is a way for us to know things are not as they should be. The world is not as it should be. There are places in scripture where pain was not avoided, but fully experienced. There are psalms of lament that express the deepest statements of sorrow and pain. And, there is the book of Lamentations.

These are not emo writings of ancient people. The literature of lament was cathartic. It was God allowing His people to pour out their hurts. It is an admission that the world is not as it should be. Statements like, "my heart melts like wax" and "my bones are crushed" are expressions of pain. The pain was not denied, avoided, drowned in a bottle or alleviated by slick counseling. It was fully experienced. Once pain is fully realized what else can it accomplish? Once the person realizes that they have faced their pain and survived then they can move on. Therefore, the expressions of lament all end in a very similar fashion. Typically the writer acknowledges God's soverignty... that God is God in good times and bad. And then there is a hope statement. Despite the deep, sorrowful nature of these writings there is always a hopeful ending. Pain happens- but it does not last forever.

Do you mind?

2011-02-14T12:11:00.000-05:00

The human brain fascinates me beyond anything else. I can watch a show about discoveries in physics, or the exploration of great ocean depths, or the latest information from the farthest reaches of space and it will not captivate me to the degree that the human brain does. Today I ate oatmeal, some chocolate covered pretzels (thanks Ruth!), and a pack of cheese crackers. With this meager fuel my brain will be able to outperform the computer on which I am typing this blog. Chemical reactions occurring in countless synapses between miles of nerves are resulting in my thoughts. I believe this is where the essence of God operates within me. I am creating something. My thoughts are generating a blog post. This post may spur creation to occur in you (if so then please post a comment). The same God that spoke and created the universe gave me the ability to create. Other brains in this world will create art, music, dance, or make discoveries in physics, chemistry, engineering, history, etc. Out of my thoughts comes creativity. Something is generated. There is creation. What was an electo-chemical response in my brain can become something tangible- like a blog post. This fruit can be good... it can also be not so good.

When a mind lacks the presence of God there is a chance for some bad results. There has been plenty of non-God directed mind productions. Slavery, pornography, abortion, castes, and sexism are a few examples of mind power lacking God's presence.

So, when I choose to love God with all of my mind I need to be sure I am loving Him with all of my heart first. Loving Him with all of my heart means He is a part of my being. When God is a part of who I am then the products of my thinking will have that essence of God in them.

By the way, I have to give credit to Mark Batterson and his book Primal for inspiring my Wednesday night lesson series and the resulting blog posts. There is a link to his blog on here- check it out. Also, I highly recommend his books to anyone who can read.

Sleepless in Dover

2011-02-08T00:16:00.000-05:00

I am unable to sleep and wanted to blog in order to empty my head a little.You wouldn't know this unless I told you, but this is the fourth blog I have written tonight. The first blog I wrote was a bitter commentary about everything wrong with the world. It was an anger dump. Is that really me? No, it was just how I felt. I deleted it. The second post was an indirect response subtly making arguements against those who argued with me. I read over the words and saw how I was trying desperately to be justified from a source other than God. It would have felt so good to publish that post and show the internet world (ok, my small band of readers) how right I was and by doing so prove to myself how wrong those accusations were. Am I the type of person who needs to prove their rightness? I don't want to be. Telling you this makes me feel childish and humbled as it should. I deleted that post. Honestly, I can't remember what the third post was really about. After reading it I decided it didn't accurately reflect me either so I deleted it. Before writing this post I reminded myself that joy is my choice. It is a tough choice. Doesn't seem like it would be. If given the choice of joy or miserable grumblings you would think most people would choose joy. I had to fight to get myself to choose joy. So, now that you that you have the back ground information here is my self reminder to be joyful:

I do not have to be perfect because God is for me
My wife and children are here, happy and healthy
Dexter loves me no matter what
I live in a nice, warm home
Pasta
I have never known real physical hunger or thirst
I'm healthy
God has allowed me to know some of the greatest people
Love
James 2:1-4 and 2 Corinthian 6:4-10,

My closing thought- I win. Satan threw some pretty good material my way today, but I win. I almost didn't choose joy but this is who I am... joyful.

A Fruit Analysis

2011-02-05T10:12:00.000-05:00

Continuing on my theme about the heart. What I am getting from the responses to the last post is that I am more than what I do... and I can't disagree with that. The first thing I would consider is what it means to be made in the image of God. Do I let that fact define my actions? How does being an image bearer of God affect my choices in entertainment, friends, how I spend my time, etc. To know the heart I work backwards- look at what I do (my choices) and deduce what that says about my heart (who I am). In the Bible this would be referred to as looking at fruit- a fruit analysis. Consider Matthew 7:16-20 and James 3:10-18 for more about bearing fruit. I had considered posting the passages here but I think it would be better for everyone to look it up J Hmmm… what does that decision say about me?

Dr. Who

2011-02-04T14:37:00.000-05:00

Ok, admittedly I choose this title because Dr. Who seems to come up in conversation A LOT in our group (Thanks Emily). However, this is a perfect title for my thoughts this week (and for our new CREW topic). I will confess (proudly I might add) that I do not know much (meaning anything) about Dr. Who. His name implies some sort of identity crises to me. Just hearing his name makes me think of someone who lacks self-awareness and cannot find his place in the world (or whatever time/space dimension thingy he may live in). On Wednesday nights we will begin studying the Biblical concept of the heart. This is not referring to the physical organ that pumps blood (did I hear somewhere that Dr. Who has 2 hearts?) but rather to a person's inward being. It is also not simply the emotional center that we think about on Valentine's day. The heart referred to in the New Testament is a person's inward being. It would be the source of their personality. This heart is the motivation of our every action, inclination, and preference. The Biblical concept of heart would define why someone feels a certain way. A trivial example would be why I like history but hate math. Such preferences stem from who I am and what I value- this is the Biblical heart. Now, back to the good doctor. Someone who does not know themselves or lacks self-awarness does not know their own heart (or hearts). They make choices every day without a thought about why. These people have no clue what motivates them to do certain things (i.e. play video games) or not do certain things (i.e. the 10 page paper due on Monday). They are out of touch with their heart. We will be learning more about this and exploring how it relates to Luke 6:45 starting this Wednesday night. For the sake of discussion comment on some of the ways you define yourself (roles, activities, choices, personality or mood traits etc.). Can you create a list of things that adequately define you?

Why Freud Would Commit Me

2011-02-01T20:36:00.000-05:00

It has been a tough week sports fans. I love ministering to people but there are times when I think pushing a button in a factory somewhere would be a nice change of pace! Being a follower of Christ means painful moments sometimes. Not just the pain of your own life (stubbing a toe, getting a ticket, work stress etc.) but choosing to bear the pain of others also (grieving a loss, bearing the weight of sin, encouraging during times trail). Freud believed that a primary motivation for people was the seeking of pleasure and the avoidance of pain. In fact, Freud would view any behavior that ran contrary to this principle as suspect. So, what would make a person willingly enter into (and experience) the pain of others? One reason would be the great command to love your neighbor as yourself (this is one way to love God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength). Galatians 6:2 tells us to "bear each other's burdens..." and in so doing we "fulfill the law of Christ." Another reason to enter into the suffering of others is to be part of the common experience. This is expressed in Ecclesiastes 7:2. In this passage the writer urges the reader to attend funerals instead of feasts. The reaon given is becuase death is the common experience of all. This is a grim reminder but it is true. By being with others in their times of sorrow and hardship we are preparing ourselves for similar experiences. Moreover, when we support others in their time of need we secure for ourselves a support when trouble comes to us. This is one of the tenets of the Parable of the Shrewd Manager (Luke 16:1-15- a part of the Bible many of you know I struggle with). Freud was against religion. He believed that religion put unneccessary guilt and restriction on people causing neurosis. Are there instances when religious groups have caused more harm than good? Yes. However, what Freud misses is the therpay of the Bible. People called to walk with one another through trials and pain. In the process they strengthen themselves for similar trials (can we say preventative measures?). As Saint Nikolai of Zicca reminds me troubles have "loosed me from earth" and "driven me into Thy embrace." (see http://www.orthodox.net/trebnic/lord-bless-my-enemies.pdf).

Gaining Intimacy

2011-01-27T11:07:00.000-05:00

My last post was about what intimacy is and the difficulties achieving intimacy with God. This post will focus on how we overcome those difficulties and grow closer to God. We defined intimacy as honesty or the ability for two people to be genuine with one another. Psalm 139 describes how well God knows us (whether we choose to reveal ourselves to him or not). The first verse says, "O Lord, you have searched me and you know me." We can choose to reveal ourselves to God by praying out the contents of our heart. Sharing our frustrations with Him. We can express our joys to God through prayer or worship. We can give our worries to God. He does not need us to share these things (a benefit of being omniscient) but He desires this from us. By using our free will to reveal ourselves to God we are choosing him (an expression of our love).
However, intimacy is a two way street. We also need to allow God to reveal Himself to us. Obviously we do not know God as well as He knows us. The first chapter of the gospel of John tells us that when God came to earth (in the form of Christ) the people of earth did not recognize Him! The bride did not recognize the bridegroom! The image by whom we were made stood among us and we did not know it. According to Hebrews 1:1 God has spoken (and I believe continues to speak) in many ways. To gain intimacy with God we need to listen when he speaks. I was taught (thanks Dr. Brooks) to remember BENJI:

Bible
Events (miracles)
Nature (Romans 1:10)
Jesus
Intuition (dreams, conscience, meditative thoughts)

We can become more intimate in our relationship with God by reading the Bible, contemplating God's invovlement in everyday events, observing and respecting nature, studying the life and teachings of Jesus, and by meditating (allowing our mind to focus) on God. I am sure there are other ways to know God. Would love to hear other thoughts on the topic.

Greater intimacy

2011-01-24T16:29:00.000-05:00

I have a different definition of intimacy than most of the world around me seems to have. My synonym for intimacy would be honesty. When people are truly intimate it means they hide nothing from each other. This may be in the form of physical intimacy meaning a couple does not have shame with each other. It could be emotional intimacy meaning a couple expresses their feelings openly. Cognitive intimacy would be the honest expression of thoughts and opinions. In the course of dating people move from a low level of intimacy (or honesty) to higher levels. On a first date words are guarded carefully, conversation tends to be shallow, and feelings are not generally expressed openly. In an attempt to make a good first impression a person might be just a little bit, well, fake. As time goes by guards are let down and opinions are expressed more freely. Feelings might be revealed more openly. Etc. In other words you let the real you show... you become more honest. I am setting the stage for this question, "How honest is your relationship with God?" Or, put differently, "How initmate is your relationship with God?" Here are a few questions to spur thinking:

Do you ever feel like you can't talk to God because of guilty feelings or for other reasons?
Are you ever ashamed of who God made you to be (including physical appearance)?
Are you emotionally expressive in your prayers to God?
Do you give God access to every part of your life?

Personally there are times when I feel like I can't talk to God. I don't always like what the mirror has to show me (is that another hair sprouting from my ear?). My prayers can easliy be quite bland and repetitive with no emotion. There are parts of my life that I do not always want God involved in (can't I just unload on that person who is frustrating me and bypass that golden rule stuff?). When I do these things I am robbing myself of intimacy with God.

My wandering heart

2011-01-21T14:32:00.000-05:00

This is a continuation of the last post on cheating. The song I quoted in that post is Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing. I greatly enjoy Chris Rice's version of this hymn. There is a line in this hymn that says, "prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love." Continuing the song says, "Here's my heart O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above." These words by 18th century pastor Robert Robinson haunt me. Robinson is admitting, "I am a cheater." He has a wandering heart. I do too. It starts with my wandering eyes that seek out the enticing things of the world (Luke 11:34). It continues with my actions as I spend my time with the things of the world (James 4:4). Finally, without realizing it... I give my heart away (Luke 10:27). There are so many things that come before God in my life. My heart is prone to wander, prone to leave the God I love. There is another line in this hymn that says, "let thy goodness like a fetter bind my wandering heart to thee." A fetter is a chain or shakle similar to modern day handcuffs (see picture). The hymnist is saying- God handcuff my heart with your goodness. Let your goodness keep me so tied to you that my cheating heart won't seek other things. Words are easy. We can say we love God, that we are committed to the Lord. Doing is tough. You have to allow your wandering heart to be shackled to God. Read about His goodness. Meditate on his goodness. Think about how He has been good to you.

Cheating

2011-01-18T21:04:00.001-05:00

Words are easy. I speak countless words a day (as many of you know and bemoan). My vocal cords can create words with barely a thought or a whim. Only a fool would deny that words are powerful. How do you react to words like "murder" "hate" "brotherhood" or "swear?" What happens when a promise is made or an insult is uttered? Consider the words, "forsaking all others." Wedding vows that are so easily spoken but mean a lifetime of effort. According to my family therapy text book there are "...approximately 1 million divorces occurring annually in this country (Goldenberg & Goldenberg, 2008 p.42). That means 1 million people this year will break a vow made before God. Speaking of God- words spoken or sung to Him come easily too don't they? Do we truly mean the words of worship we speak or sing? Are there songs we sing and don't even know what we are saying i.e. here I raise my Ebenezer here by thy great help I've come????. What does Scrooge have to do with God's help? (This line comes from one of my very favorite hymns- ask me if you have questions... better yet look up the answer and post it in a response). I say all of this simply to introduce the idea of cheating on God. More will come in future posts.

Goldenberg, H. & Goldenberg, I. (2008) Family Therapy: An Overview. Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole.

Securing a win

2011-01-15T23:27:00.000-05:00

Well, tonight my beloved Ravens had a heartbreaking loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers. Interestingly enough about half way through the game I got a call congratulating me on my team's excellent performance (and rightlly so). However, in the second half the tides turned and the Steelers won the game. As Yogi would remind us, "it ain't over until it's over." I mention all this to highlight a point. For centuries there has been this debate about how sure a person's salvation is (sometimes called "once saved always saved"). I have seen church members argue whether or not a person can lose their salvation. There has even been some division over the issue. The way I see it is that we can't make the call so early in the game. By trying to determine the outcome (salvation) now we are trying to take control out of God's hands and put it into our own. We want to determine the outcome and not let the game play out. I am not saying this to make a point for one side of the argument or another... I am simply saying the argument is foolish. This is a case of trying to be God instead of letting God be Himself. In our Reconciled series we mentioned needing to love God for who He is... not who we want Him to be. Let's accept his soverignty with more dignity and stop trying to be in control.

Politispeak

2011-01-14T15:12:00.000-05:00

I learned the skill of politispeak when I was in middle school. It started with the first paper that had a length requirement (5 pages). To reach 5 pages I rambled, fluffed, created, and repeated myself in the most academic and intelligable way possible. I call this politispeak because it is the way politicians talk... they say a lot, and it sounds great, but it means nothing. Are our prayers full of politispeak? Do we repeat certain phrases that we have heard? Phrases such as "forgive our shortcomings" or "guide, guard and direct our path" become so common place that they loose meaning. Maybe our prayers are fluff. This means that we say a lot of things that are not meaningful. When I pray, "God forgive my sins" that is fluff compared to "God forgive my lustful thinking." Let's get real in our prayers. Let's say something of meaning when we pray. Jesus addressed this type of praying in Matthew (http://bible.cc/matthew/6-5.htm). He goes on to talk about rambling, meaningless prayers (http://bible.cc/matthew/6-7.htm). A meaningful relationship is built on meaningful communication. Politispeak can not be the cornerstone of any healthy relationship.

Estranged communication

2011-01-12T12:57:00.000-05:00

Jay was the best man in my wedding and very best friend at Harding. I was his best man when he married. Unfortunately he lives in Arkansas which is about 1,200 miles from York, PA. So, Jay and I do not get to see each other very often. A couple of years ago Jay was flying into Philadelphia for a conference so I went to meet him. I gave him a tour of the Philadelphia area and treated him to a cheese steak. We tried to catch up but found it was difficult. How do you relate the events of a few years in one afternoon? There was no way for me to adequately tell him about how changing jobs, having kids, and getting older had changed me. As Jay told me about the major events in his life I found myself unable to grasp the full depth of his words. I realized how hard it is to adequately "catch-up" after a long time being out of touch.

This brings me to my point about prayer. Everyone has heard that communication is the key to any relationship. Couples who do not communicate well can't fully appreciate each other and are not adequately sharing in each other's life experiences. Regular communication is needed to grasp the depth of another person's life. Regular prayer is needed to maintain a relationship with God. Occasional prayer leaves gaps.

Renewing prayer after a long time can feel awkward and out of place. If Jay were to move to Pennsylvania (or I to Arkansas) it would take time for our friendship to return to it's previous level. However, after a time of regularly interacting we would begin to understand each other again.

In the letter to the Thessalonians believers are encouraged to "pray continuously" or "without ceasing." It is understood that regular prayer is vital to a healthy relationship with God. One of the questions to ask is, "do I really enjoy talking to God?" or "is God someone I like talking with?" If not then maybe one of the other areas of relationship needs to be fixed first.

Reconciled

2011-01-10T15:00:00.000-05:00

As many of you know my favorite minor prophet is Hosea. I have read this book countless times but only recently began to truly grasp the comparison of marriage to our relationship with God. The analogy is an excellent one. This is why I decided on a different approach to our Wednesday night lessons. By looking at our class as a group counseling session instead of an instructional period I hoped to bring this marriage analogy to the forefront. Could we heal our relationship with God as a marriage might be healed? We started by assessing our desire to be in the relationship. The question was posed, "Do you want to be in a relationship with God?" I can tell you that the chances of counseling success are poor when faced with one partner who does not want to fix things. For couples who want to improve their relationship the outcomes are quite positive (see http://family-marriage-counseling.com/mentalhealth/couples-counseling.htm for more information). So, we explored communication (prayer), cheating (idolatry), intimacy (closeness), and other related topics. Any relationship takes work. I would ask that we invest some time improving our relationship with God. In the next few days I will post about each of these topics and include some more in-depth thoughts and reactions. I look forward to hearing your thoughts and opinions too!

Back to blogging

2011-01-07T10:56:00.000-05:00

I started this blog way back in 2005 and only a few of the teens in the group followed it. After hearing a speaker yesterday discuss the best uses of technology in ministry I thought it was time to get back to blogging. My intention with this blog is to create a forum for deeper discussion. The lessons we are learning on Wednesdays, Sundays, and via our events will be discussed here. This will contain more of my opinions and experiences regarding that topic. I pray that this tool will prove useful in promoting spiritual growth. My aim is to update this blog every Friday (maybe more) and to generate discussion.

Doing it all

2006-04-28T13:25:00.000-04:00

Sports, drama (the acting kind, not the everyday kind), clubs, friends, hobbies, faith, recreation... the list is long. How can we do it all? We have this vision of the perfect person who keeps this perfectly organized planner and finds ways to participate in 6 different activities effortlessly. The truth is this person does not exist. No one can do it all! Not without mounds of stress. Or, they do several things poorly instead of doing a few things well. I fall into this trap. I plan things, other opportunities pop-up, and I struggle to find time for neglected priorities. How do I sort it all out??? Well, there is an easy answer... people who fall into the busy trap are people who do not know themselves well enough. See, if I really knew myself- I would know what belongs in my life and what does not. I would know what to say "yes" to and what to say "no thanks" to. Understanding why God put you here, and what special abilities he gave you is the first step to knowing how to prioritize. I am an evangelist by nature- so any chance to mingle with the community takes top prize for me. I am not an organized person, so planning a trip a month in advance with a budget and transportation plans is not my cup of tea. With all the events the youth group offers, I want you to decide which ones appeal to you and the special creation you are. Make time for these events. Not a missionary, then don't go to Mexico. If you are a servant, make time for the service projects. Not sure who you are, try a little sampling of it all and learn more about who God made you to be.

Ripple Effect

2006-03-06T16:49:00.000-05:00

Chaos theory came into popular culture when Michael Crichton wrote about it in Jurassic Park, even more so when the movie came out. You may remember the line about a butterfly in Africa flaps its wings and it causes a hurricane in Florida. Can you imagine a world when there is no way to predict the effects of each little minute event? Although I disagree with this theory, I have observed a similar phenomenon... the ripple effect (a.k.a paying it forward). Someone does something good and it impacts someone's life, that person passes on the good fortune and so on and so forth. Bad boy meets cool camp counselor, gets baptized, becomes a youth minister, and speaks to thousands annually changing lives by the boat load- that kind of thing. Have you witnessed the ripple effect? If so tell me about it.

A Hard Prayer

2006-02-16T14:31:00.000-05:00

I pray a lot on my commute to and from work. I'll turn off the radio, soak in some silence, and then pray. The other day I found myself unable to say words I knew I needed to say. I felt prompted to pray this: "Dear Lord, If I ever get caught up in a sin, or unaware of an addiction in my life, then please discipline me." I had dealt with someone that day who was being ripped apart by a sin that he/she was unable to see. This person was in the throws of denial and would not recognize the destruction and unhappiness being caused by their actions. I knew I would want God to discipline me if I ever fell into such a trap, but there in my car I could not bring myself to say the words. What if God would answer that prayer? Then I remembered a story when David chooses God's discipline over man's. He knew God would be more loving and merciful than man would. I want to challenge you this week to find someone who is living high on the hog. Someone who is really having a lot of fun reveling in sin. And then pray... "Dear Lord, please help me appreciate your discipline." "Please be with this person and help me be a shining light to them." "Forgive me of my sins, and help me forgive those who sin against me, Amen."

Being Teen

2006-02-06T12:15:00.000-05:00

Here is a random spouting that I hope you find true and humorous at the same time! I want you to think about being a teenager. It is probably the most fascinating time in life. It is the time when you have the most independence and the least amount of experience to back-up that independence. You are writing term papers and reading Shakespeare and at the same time playing video games and racing carts at Wal-Mart. Today there was a teenager sitting in class somewhere hating school, watching the clock eagerly, dreading homework, but yet soooo excited about college when you still sit in class, have insane amounts of homework, and you have to pay to be there! Consider the last time you were made to spend time with a bunch of adults when you wanted to be with your friends and when you were with your friends you talked about how great it will be to be an adult. You make minimum wage and for some reason still have to pay taxes?!?!? You have always wanted to beat your dad in a game of one-on-one, and when it finally happens... your feel uncomfortable about it. Realizing you are involved in about 8 different activities such as band, soccer, youth group, basketball, orchestra etc. But still not being sure of what you're good at or what you are going to do with your life. Giving the most profound spiritual answers and comments at PASS'N time followed by a session of bean bag diving and impromptu wrestling... tell me about your experiences of "being teen."

Spiritual SAT

2006-02-03T11:57:00.000-05:00

I know you know this person... he or she is very emotionally needy. They have some "issues." Maybe they always need to be dating someone. They are a little clingy. He/she may have some control issues. They always want to be included in everything, and can become emotionally distraught when they feel left out. Do you know someone like this? As great as they can be sometimes- other times they are impossible to deal with. They can be irrational, paranoid, embarrassing, frustrating, and most of all fatiguing. Congratulations- you are being tested... you are taking your spiritual SAT. How will you handle this person- do you have the endless amounts of patience needed? Will you know when to be kind, when to admonish, when to forgive and when to set limits? Will you be able to help them without being sucked in to their drama? Hmmm this Christian thing is not so easy, is it?

Forgiveness

2006-02-01T10:58:00.000-05:00

I am not bragging at all, but I have never had a problem forgiving. Maybe I have not had anyone offend me to a great enough degree or something. However, this seems to be a real issue for some people- and in some cases even entire families. In my own family my brother and father do not speak to each other. In other families there is constant anger between brothers, resentment between sisters, etc. The thing that amazes me the most is that everyone involved can be miserable, and unhappy, but still cling to the grudge causing the turmoil. Any thoughts on this topic? BTW- consider what an amazing healer forgiveness can be- not surprising shy most of the Bible is dedicated to the topic.

What is dating?

2006-01-22T15:30:00.000-05:00

What is the purpose of dating? You may be saying- "Duh Ken." But really think about this a second (dare I say even a minute)... If I am a teenager, why do I date? The painfully obvious answer is to have a relationship with someone. Well, the fact is we have plenty of relationships with people already. Maybe because we are in love with someone. You may have a crush, some level of physical attraction to someone, but do teens really start dating someone they love... no they start dating someone and then begin to feel a deeper emotional bond in the course of dating. I will admit that dating is good practice for future relationships... but it is rarely viewed as just practice. I would venture to say that dating is just the thing to do... yet another following-the-crowd activity. On a more dangerous level, dating is becoming the only way for teens to have an open, genuine, interaction with another human being. I feel that is going way too far for the high school (and *gulp* middle school) maturity level. I am not at all talking about sex here, that is preached enough... I'm talking about guarding your heart and reigning in the emotional roller coaster. If you are a teen who is dating to fulfill an emotional emptiness... then you need to get better friends and improve your relationship with your parents. Let's get a discussion going on this topic.

Is anything free?

2006-01-15T23:31:00.000-05:00

Almost anything I can think of has to be earned or bought. Trust is earned by proving tom someone that you are trustworthy. Friendship is earned by mutual trust and via the efforts put into the friendship. Reputations are earned by hard work and performance. I was going to say that salvation is free, but then I think of the high price paid for our salvation- it may be free to us, but it came at a great cost. There really is nothing I can think of that is truly free... can you?

MOOGALEE!

2006-01-06T15:11:00.000-05:00

My 21 month old is a very good talker for her age. Despite that fact, I find myself interpreting for her quite often. She has some sounds she can't make yet (the /r/ sound) and some words she just makes up. There was an instance when she really wanted something. She looked at me and said, "Moogalee, Daddy, moogalee" I had no clue what a moogalee was. "Do you want your stuffed monkey?" I asked. "No, No" was her reply... "Moogalee." She was growing frustrated at my ignorance. She became more anxious... "MOOGALEE!" I was as desperate as she was- I began grabbing toys, snacks, juice anything I could think of to appease her. None of this was the mysterious moogalee that she was asking for. She cried out in frustration MOOGALEE! And tears began falling down her little cheeks. Then she gave up and we played with Elmo and happiness returned. I may never know what a moogalee is.
This incident was recalled recently as I prayed to God in desperation... "What do you want from me?" I know that God eagerly wants us to serve him, but sometimes I just don't know what he wants from me. Both of us become frustrated in the process I'm sure. I try to appease him with some half-hearted effort, but he wants something else from me. Christianity is just this way sometimes. We don't understand the Devine, eternal nature of God. Occasionally we come to some common ground (Elmo) and are happy together. I just wish I understood Him better sometimes.

A New Year

2006-01-02T18:21:00.000-05:00

Well I hope you had a great New Years Eve and day. I had a wonderful time. On new years day I took Otis for a walk. Otis is my Aunt's dog. We were at the Jersey shore having our little walk on the first day of 2006. He was smelling his dog smells and I was smelling my people smells. Not the artificial beach smells of cooking food and suntan lotion- there was hardly any place open as January is off-season, rather the natural smells of salt, sand and even a hint of fishy smell (could have been my imagination). As Otis and I strolled along I began to think about what I want to accomplish this year. Otis seemed very pensive as well as he considered what other dogs had visited each phone pole along our route. Here are some things I want to do in 2006.
1. I want to reach my community via prayer, fasting, serving and love
2. I want to go deep sea fishing
3. I want to spend more time listening to God (less time talking)
4. I want to be a more professional leader
5. I want to spend more time with the teens individually
6. I want to promote family time
7. I want to motivate people, generate excitment
8. I want to redecorate/paint my house
9. I want to finish that extra bedroom
10. I want to be a better husband

I would love to hear what your 2006 aspirations are.

The Christmas Controversy

2005-12-23T11:12:00.000-05:00

What a holiday this is. You have Jewish groups protesting the Christian Christmas being rammed down their throats. You have another Jewish group lobbying against such protests saying it is silly to call a Christmas tree a "holiday tree." There are Christians complaining about the commercialization of this season. Other Christian groups argue that this day is not even the real day Christ was born. Still others use this opportunity to spread the word, even if it is not the legitimate birth date. On and on it goes. You know, sometimes I do not even know what to think about this holiday. I love some of the traditions that have been called "commercializing." I also think it is a great time to share the Christian story, despite the fact that I know this is not the true date of Christ's birth. Yet, I am still conflicted about Christmas... What do you have to say on this topic?

As Promised... Follow-up to Barbra Walters Special

2005-12-22T12:23:00.000-05:00

Some of you may have watched the Barbra Walters special December 20th on ABC called "Heaven, where is it and how do we get there." This special included interviews with the Dali Lama, Muslim extremists, Rabbis, and evangelical leaders. I found it to be very fascinating. There were a few points that stood out to me.
First, the fact that heaven seems to be an almost universal concept. How is it that so many faiths, cultures, and peoples have all come to a similar conclusion? Heaven seems to be almost instinctual to us.
Second, I was impressed with Mitch Albom's comments (author of The Five People You Meet in Heaven and Tuesdays With Morrie). He basically said that heaven is really an amazing concept when you consider that people living good lives in order to achieve heaven, are actually helping to create a little of heaven here on earth. It is in the Lord's prayer- "You're will be done on earth as it is in heaven." By believing in heaven, and striving to get there, people make the earth a better place to be.
Finally, I liked Ted Haggard's comments. I thought that Ted took a drilling from Barbra and responded well. She was making him out to be judgmental when he said that Jesus is the way to heaven. Barbra could not stand to hear him say that other groups (homosexuals, Hindus, etc.) were at risk of hell. Ted's reply was that he is not here to say who is going to heaven or hell, but rather he is here to offer them a sure way to achieve heaven. That without Jesus, there was no guarantee. Without Jesus, it is between that individual and God. He was simply offering people the surest route.
This special reminded me that God is the final judge, not me. I am not here to get people to heaven. I am here to get people to Jesus, and He can do the rest.

The Good, Bad, and Ugly

2005-12-19T16:09:00.000-05:00

Some stats- first the good... For the first time in 20 years PG rated films made more money than R rated films- I hope Hollywood is listening. According to the associated press, teen birth rates, teen binge drinking, and minors committing crimes are all down. 80% of teens say religion plays an important role in their lives. More Americans oppose same sex marriage now than did a year ago.

The bad... 64% of teens say they do things online they would not want their parents to see.

The ugly... these are just numbers- sin is hurting people all over the world.

Reminder

2005-12-09T10:55:00.000-05:00

Snowy driveways and sidewalks are God's reminder to do something nice for your neighbor!

The Least I Could Do

2005-12-05T12:44:00.000-05:00

Did you ever notice when we are feeling helpless we break out that old default answer- I'll be praying for you. We make it sound like it's the most trivial thing in the world. It's like we are saying, "Since I can't do antything better, I'll pray for you." Then, how often do we remember to go and pray for that person? I think we are beginning to lose our belief in the power of prayer. There are many reasons why this might happen. Perhaps we wonder if God will really do what we ask. Maybe we consider ourselves and our problems too small to be heard. Or, maybe we are unsure that there is anybody or anything hearing our prayer. I have fallen into one of these categories at one time or another. However, I am becoming very excited over prayer. In the Glen Rock church we are going to start a weekly prayer program. We are going to invite the community to stop in and pray. Pray for your concerns, pray for community needs, pray for our country, etc. During the hours when people would be commuting home, the church will be open and ministers ready to pray. I am eager to see what answers we get in the little town of Glen Rock. Consider what the power of prayer could do for you.

People Get Ready

2005-11-30T13:27:00.001-05:00

I know that violent movies are bad. The Bible says that God hates violence. However, I will admit that they are a vice of mine. One movie that has me thinking lately is Terminator. In the sequel Linda Hamilton is playing a woman plagued by the knowledge that nuclear war is coming and a race of intelligent machines will try to take over the earth. In one dream sequence she is looking at a playground and she is pained by the fact that she knows the end is coming. She is screaming at people, desperately trying to get their attention but none hear her. She wants to warn everyone. The nukes hit, and she sees the playground destroyed. I take two things away from this scene. First, Christians are in the same boat. We know what will happen when the end comes. We are pained by the knowledge that many have taken the broad, wide path to destruction. We scream out our warnings, but often feel like no one can hear us. Secondly, we should all go through life like people with an extraordinary knowledge. We know how to save all those people living their lives in ignorance. Perhaps we need to have a greater sense of urgency. It is the beauty of not knowing when the end will come... you see that way we have to work continually, and not wait till the last minute. As a side note, December 20th on ABC there will be a Barbara Walter's special on Heaven. According to the website, "Walters will speak with the Dalai Lama, failed suicide bombers in Israel, an Evangelical leader, atheists, Muslim scholars, Jewish rabbis, as well as with Maria Shriver, Mitch Albom and Rabbi Jackie Mason." I think it will be interesting to get the media's take on heaven and how to get there. I will post my reactions and hope to generate some discussion on the topic.

Allow Me to Introduce My Friend.

2005-11-21T20:36:00.000-05:00

Let me put a new spin on a guy you thought you knew. Consider this, he was born to an unwed teenage mom. The guy she married was not his real dad. He was born in poverty but grew up in a low-middle class family. In his preteen years he felt his parents did not understand him, in fact he could even venture to say they did not even know who he really was. He liked to hang out with his friends and even considered them like family. However, even with in his social circle it was hard to be himself and he was often misunderstood. His dating life was nonexistant and he often retreated to be left alone. People would sometimes tease him and were always trying to tear him down. When the social pressure was on one of his friends denied being his friend, and another betrayed him to his enemies. Wow, who says teens can't relate to Jesus.

Bet You Can't Eat Just One!

2005-11-19T14:01:00.000-05:00

Maybe you remember the potato chip ad, bet you can't "eat just one." Have you ever realized you can't be angry with just one person? It is true- you may have animosity toward one person, but that person has friends. Your enemy probably bad mouths you to his/her friends. Now those people will make your life difficult. Wow, now you are at odds with your enemy and his/her friends. People are all interconnected in some way. When we are at odds with someone it usually spills over and ripples throuhout our social circles. This is the pinnicale of teenage drama, but this happens to adults too. In fact, when this sort of thing occurs in the church- it can be very devestating. I once worked for a guy who had a famous saying- "The Orange Juice isn't worth the squeeze." Being angry has bigger impacts and involves more work than it is worth. Love, although not always easy, is always worth the squeeze.

Thinking outside the earth

2005-11-16T21:58:00.000-05:00

You have heard about thinking outside the box, try thinking outside the earth. There are so many principles of Christianity that make NO worldly sense- such as loving enemies, or confessing sins. However, these things can be powerful tools in our lives. Plug into God's kind of thinking- it is so lofty, and so powerful it does not make any sense to us. It's like putting string theory into a third grade science text. They would think it is stupidity. If you want a moving experience read the prayer posted on Matt Wilson's blog (http://matthewjameswilson.blogspot.com/). You will not walk away from it with a new respect for God's ways.

People we hate

2005-11-15T14:58:00.000-05:00

It shoudn't be, but there are people we hate. Hate- it is a strong word, but a very real word. Maybe we would feel better if we said disliked. I have had some people oppose me and present very strong opinions. This is the way I see it, the people who disagree with me have a passion. They feel strongly about something. In a world with a lot of apathy, this is a good thing. Can we be big enough to thank you to someone who opposes us? Can we appreciate that someone might be as passionate against something, as we are for something? This is tough Christianity folks.

Keepn' It Real

2005-11-14T15:28:00.001-05:00

Sunday night we talked about the reality of living the Christian life in comparison to “reality” TV- think about that one for a second! We invented a catch phrase to help us incorporate spiritual issues in our everyday conversation. “How’s Your Walk?” It’s three simple words that allow us to talk about the realities of living the Christian life.
Well, today I had a stark encounter with the reality of Christian living in the real world. I was called to be considered for a jury in a murder case. The judge asked the group several questions in order to determine if the people selected would be fair and impartial. As the accused was going to be tried on multiple counts of murder, the question of the death penalty was included. Questions such as, “Could you sit in judgment of another person?” I thought “Do not judge, lest you be judged (Matthew 7:1).” The judge continued- “If instructed to do so, could you consider the death penalty?” My mind raced- “vengeance is mine” says the Lord (Deu 32:35). Later I was called individually to answer questions asked by the judge, district attorney, and defense team. The prosecutor asked, “if the court asked you to do something against your religious beliefs, would you do it?” My answer, “I do not believe the court would ask me to do so, but if they did, I would follow my religious beliefs.” Needless to say, I was dismissed as a juror. Tell me folks- what do you think about this real world testing of a Christian? How would you answer these questions? How's Your Walk?

Pluggin On

2005-11-12T21:37:00.000-05:00

Ever have things not go quite your way? Well this has been a terribly terrific weekend. Here's what I mean. The youth group planned a surprise service project for someone, only they found out about the surprise. Cool thing is we did a great favor for someone and had a lot of fun doing it. Also, I had a meeting to introduce new teaching materials today. A lot of time and effort when in to this meeting for 20-something, but only 6 showed. The amazing thing about this is that God has given me 6 advocates. I now have 6 people to help me spread the excitement. Finding the joy in any circumstances- it is great! When you realize that there is a God who is in control and it's not your responsibility to make sure everything goes right, then life gets alot easier. It is still frustrating, but what amazing therapy to help us through.

2005-11-10T11:20:00.000-05:00

The Sr. High Youth Group- How cool is this group!?!?

Talkin' Bout My Generation

2005-11-10T10:31:00.000-05:00

Ever carry a large container of water, filled to the top? As you step the waves slosh back and forth nearly spilling. You have to make constant adjustments to your grip to keep the water from pouring out all over yourself and the floor- then your wife gets mad because the carpet is all wet. Not that it has ever happened to me.
Throughout the Old Testament there was a sway back-and-forth from generations that were faithful, to generations that turned their backs on God. I’m sure that there were age groups that fit everywhere in between also, but isn’t that trend interesting? How would a generation turn itself around without the guidance of an older generation? What occurs to make a generation say enough is enough and turn back to God?
My belief is that God’s discipline, and the natural consequences of sin would combine to make life miserable enough to want to change. God disciplines His children out of love. On the other hand, sin comes with its own negative results- lose a friend you lied to, all your time and energy is poured into an addiction, the loneliness that results from an angry spirit. I see the generation of teens from age 15-18 really reacting to the negatives and being confused about the state their world is in. I believe this generation is going to respond with determination to change. Why do I think this… notice some things going on right now: Creationism v. Evolution is starting to emerge again; according to area youth ministers, youth group programs on Wednesday and Sunday nights is attracting as many teens as adults; finally, teens are forming social groups while the adult trend is increased isolation.
The goal of the Christians is to offer them God’s love as their agent of change, instead of turning to another wrong answer. The teens in France and Germany are obviously angry over the state of their world but they have not turned to God for their answers. I often think about how my generation would be described in the Old Testament, and I am glad that I have Christ to offer those who need answers.

Yoo-hoo challenge

2005-11-07T13:58:00.000-05:00

I see people fitting into two groups, those who love yoo-hoo and those who hate it. For some reason this rich chocolatey drink is a real polarizing factor. Personally I love Yoo-hoo and drink it often. Oddly enough I see the laws of Lord being a lot like Yoo-hoo. People either love the laws of the Lord, or they despise them. Make sure to be clear here, I'm talking about the laws of the Lord- not the Lord himself (I'm not brave enough to compare the creator of the universe to Yoo-hoo). Many people love God, but despise His laws. You know, the do's and do-nots parts of the Bible. This is what happens, we say we love God, but hate the fact that he tells us what we can or can't do. These rules cramp our style. They are a pain to us at times, as intolerable as a yoo-hoo to someone allergic to chocolate. The distasteful part of our Christian walk. However, we need to remember Psalm 19:7 which says the laws of the Lord are perfect, reviving the soul. Sometimes we feel that keeping the laws of God grieves our soul and trips us up, but this is the work of our conscience. It's how we are left feeling when we realize how far from this standard we are. There are other passages that compare the laws of God to gold, honey and the other good things of life. They are perfection in written form just as, in my opinion, Yoo-hoo is perfection in beverage form.