Where My Face Begins

There was a lot of reaction to my last post about Fifty Shades of Grey especially regarding what is or is not our business.  Are the actions of my neighbors any of my business?  Do I have any right to say what another person should or should not do?  Well, it all comes down to where my face begins.

Let me explain.  Many years ago a friend and mentor of mine said that, "a person's right to swing their fist ends where your face begins."  It took me a long time to fully understand this.  Basically, a person has the right to walk around swinging their fist all they want... until that fist meets my nose.  When the exercise of rights means harm then those rights need to restrained.  The trick is to define harm.  We understand physical harm.  If a neighbor was abusing their spouse or children we would not hesitate to interfere (I hope).  Maybe we even comprehend emotional harm and abuse.  Do we even consider spiritual or moral harm? 

When any media promotes the control of one person by another it is damaging to our moral fabric.  Dare I say, even more so when it promotes a man dominating a woman.  How hard have we worked to achieve equality (if indeed we are there yet)?  As far as emotional abuse, few people understand the psychological damage that it takes to create a person who confuses abuse for pleasure.  Moreover, the darkness that resides around a person who abuses others for enjoyment.  Certainly promoting emotional harm.  The physical abuse is obvious when the main character has a torture room. 

Does this book harm us?  Is the author swinging her fist where my nose begins?  At best she is socially irresponsible... at worst she is damaging our society on multiple levels. 

OK- enough on this topic.  My fear is I am promoting this book more than condemning it.  SO, stay tuned for a series on Joseph starting next week.

Making Deviance Mainstream: The Dangers of Fifty Shades of Grey

What is deviance?  What is abnormal versus normal?  What do we consider pathological?  These are questions that challenge me as someone entering the mental health field.  One tool that is used in the mental health field is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV TR)which defines and categorizes various disorders  (APA, 2000).  This is the book that guides clinicians in making diagnoses.  One section of this manual includes sexual and gender identity disorders.  These disorders include sadism and masochism which are elements of E.L James (2011) Fifty Shades of Grey books.

Now, I want you to fully understand my issue here.  These books have reached New York Times Best Seller status.  This trilogy has been on Amazon's top seller list for over 100 days.  These books are bringing deviance into the mainstream.  This is how abnormality gets normalized. 

I am a believer in free speech to the degree that such freedoms cause no harm.  Is there harm in normalizing deviant behavior?  Let's consider what sadism is.  Sadism is arousal caused by inflicting control and sometimes pain on another human being.  Sadism is something society used to associate with serial offenders.  How about masochism?  This is arousal achieved by being controlled, hurt, or humiliated.  These people often have histories of abuse and misuse and have deep psychological hurts.  As a society we want to glorify this?  Really?  This is our new normal?

Allow me to continue.  Do we want our neighbors to believe that this is acceptable sexual behavior?  Do we want our children's boyfriends and girlfriends to find this acceptable and normal?  What was once a deviant subculture is now a best seller.  Our society is changing the face of normal- how are we going to respond?

American Psychiatric Association (2000). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders 4th ed. text revision. Arlington, VA: APA.

James, E.L. (2011). Fifty Shades of Grey. Vintage Publishers.

A Big Fat Liar

If lies were greeting cards then Satan would be like a Hallmark store. He has a lie for every occasion imaginable. Had a recent success in life? Satan will tell you the credit is all yours with no glory belonging to God. In a relationship? The devil wants you to believe that happiness your personal happiness is central in that relationship. Got friends? Satan wants you to believe that you need to put on a front to keep those friends. He has lies to hurt your self-esteem, lies that induce guilt, lies to separate you from God, lies to induce pride, etc. etc. etc. A lie for every occasion.

The Bible concurs with verses about Satan being a liar and the father of lies. In fact, the scriptures say that when Satan lies, "He speaks his native tongue." The lies are powerful and able to fool people into some really bad situations. Consider the person who believes that divorce will make all their partner problems go away. Somehow Satan fails to inform them that they will still need to parent together, work out money issues, and deal with the rest of life's problems (minus a partner). Just one example of the lies and the resulting destruction.

Jesus came that we might know the truth and so that truth could set us free from all the lies. The biggest lie of all that we need to be set free from is that God does not love us. Satan wants us to believe that we are not loveable, redeemable, able to be made holy. This lie sent Adam and Eve hiding in the garden. This lie robs us of hope and steals our joy. Know the truth, and let it set you free.

Sampling the Abundant Life

Last week my wife and I were out of town with no kiddos along.  I had a class and she had an opportunity to relax.  Most evenings we went out and enjoyed dinner.  One night we indulged in a bistro that was a little more high end.  The appetizer was an artichoke and cheese dip, entree was chicken marsala and chocolate and espresso cake for dessert.  I am a foodie and I can really get into a great meal.  Mexican, southern soul food, Chinese, German, and of course Itallian all strike my fancy. 

Now, I will start to get to my point before you think this is a post all about food.  There is an abundance of flavors to be enjoyed in life.  Spicy, creamy, tart, salty, tangy, robust, flavors to name just a few.  Combine some of these flavors and the variety becomes even more immense.  Life is no different.  Consider emotions.  Ever been scared out of your mind?  How about laughing until you have tears?  Have you gotten your heart broken?  What was your most embarassing moment? 

While some of life's experiences are not my favorite (the loss of a friend in college) others are delicious beyond compare (the birth of my children).  I want to experience the full abundance of life.  God wants the same thing for me.  In John 10:10 Jesus tells his followers that He has come that they might have life and experience life more abundantly.  When we are in relationship with God we are able to sample the abundance of life more fully and richly.  Who else but the creator, the author and perfector of our lives, could lead us into the fullness of life?  Done properly the Christian life is varied and never boring.  Words that describe my experience would include humbling, loving, busy, spontaneous, majesty, inspired, deep, mysterious, overflowing, joyful, mournful, frustrating, liberating, amazing, glorious, etc. etc. etc.  I have witnessed birth and death, marriage and conflict, sin and forgiveness, redemption.  I have fed the homeless, played with orphans, built churches, taught children, fixed marriages, and held the hands of those leaving this world.  God has blessed me with an abundant life so far... and the ride continues.  Thanks.