The Paralyzing Fear of Failure

On a recent trip to the beach I was blessed with the opportunity to chat with my uncle who is also  one of my favorite people.  He is well traveled, experienced, good-natured and wise.  The conversation was engaging and we chatted until 1:30AM.  During this conversation we discussed some of the trends we are noticing in people thirty and younger.  This favored uncle has a few employees who have a paralyzing fear of failure.  By this I mean they continually check for reassurance when making decisions and they will not take risks.  A desireable employee is independent, able to make decisions, and can manage risk (not avoid it). 

This fear of failure makes alot of sense to me.  For many who are under thirty (Millenials especially) failure is an unkown.  We have a generation who was not allowed to experience failure.  Here is an example.  There is a little league baseball organization near us that always gives the batter first base.  Three strikes?  You still get first base.  Got a hit and were thrown out?  You still get to stay on first base.  Hit a pop-up and the out fielder caught the ball?  You guessed it... you still get first base.  Everyone has similar stories about participation trophies, blue ribbons for everyone, and no failing grades. 

When someone grows up immune to loss or failure a few things happen.  First, there is blurred sense of self.  Winning at everything means I am great at everything.  I could have trophies for swimming, baseball, bowling, and track.  Blue ribbons for science, crafts, and cooking.  Certificates of achievement for just about everything.  In the end I have no idea what I am (or am not) good at.  Second, I have a sense of entitlement.  If I always got first then I should also get a great job (whether or not I am qualified), great grades (even if I didn't study), great pay (even if I don't work), and a comfortable lifestyle (even if I didn't earn it).  Third, I never fully appreciate accomplishment.  If I grow up without a risk of failure one can't fully appreciate success.  People are being robbed of the joy of a job well done.  Moreover, the successes of others cannot be fully  appreciated or respected.  Finally, I do not know how to lose gracefully.  A loss results in temper tantrums, depression, confusion, law suits, etc.  Learning how to lose means gaining the strength to regroup and try again.  Losing is a great teacher and can create tremendous maturity.

It has been a few weeks since this conversation.  I have applied there lessons to my life and to the lives of my children.  Personally, I have reviewed my losses in life and fully embraced the lessons that resulted.  Moreover, I have told my children that they will fail in life.  My children know that I love them even if they are not good at art.  My girls know that it is OK to not be the fastest, strongest, or most talented.  They do not need trophies, blue ribbons, or certificates to have self-esteem.  My girls fully appreciate when they are successful because they know that their success was earned.       

A Study of David- What is Repentance?

Adultery is certainly a serious offense.  In an attempt to conceal Bathsheba's pregnancy David brings her husband home from battle and encourages him to go home to his wife.  Uriah proves to be more honorable than David refusing the comforts of home and wife while fellow soldiers are out fighting. With cover-up plans failed David resorts to murder.  Uriah is killed and David, the man after God's own heart, has sunk to the lowest point in his life by the time we come to 2 Samuel chapter 11.  Chapter 12 finds Nathan the prophet confronting David and convicting him through parable.  There are two choices at hand- repent or continue down the same path.

One of the things that distinguishes David from Saul is the act of repenting.  Saul never seemed to learn from his mistakes.  Moreover, Saul sought solutions through his own means, mediums, almost anywhere but God.  David confesses his sin to God and then pleads for forgiveness in Psalm 51.  In this Psalm David begs God not to remove the Holy Spirit from him (remember He had removed His Spirit from Saul and gave It to David).  Also, David realizes that his relationship with God must be restored before anything else moves forward.  David's sin is against God the definer of right and wrong. 

So, what is repentance?  In this example it is admitting sin, pleading with God, and restoring your relationship with God.  It is a course change.  David's life subtly changed course until we found the shepherd boy lost in the king's palace.  A small change of direction (over time) results in being way off course.  David is drastically brining his life back on track.  Repentance is not a subtle or quiet action.  It is a loud outcry.  Read Psalm 51 and consider the drastic language that David uses.  Consider the emotions of fear, desperation, and longing involved in this Psalm.  Yes, David has reached his lowest point in the adultery and murder resulting in this Psalm.  Yet, there is hope.  In Psalm 51 verse 17 David says, O God, you will not despise."  God will be pleased with David's offering of a "broken spirit" and a "contrite heart."  God delights in such things because it means the person who is far off course is getting back on track.  I end this series by asking you to read the parable of the prodigal son in Luke 15:11-32.  I will make it even easier for you... just click here .  This story is a reminder that, to be a person after God's own heart, you just need a desire to be home again from wherever you are.