You have probably heard it said, "you are what you eat." Food provides the nutrients and building blocks that make up your body. Many believe that thoughts or cognitions are what make up a person's life. From our thoughts come actions (behaviors) and feelings (emotions). Just as right eating results in a healthy body, right thinking results in a healthy life (correct behaviors and positive emotions). According to the King James translation Proverbs 23:7 says, "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he." Our thoughts play a pivotal role in how we conduct our lives especially in our relationships.
Spouses can develop negative thought patterns about their relationship or spouse. For example, early in their relationship a wife allowed her husband to take out the trash when he had time. If he forgot she assumed he was busy. Later in the marriage she might develop the thought that he is lazy. Now if he does not take the trash out right away it is because he is lazy. If he forgets she nags him about being lazy. Her change in thinking results in feelings of frustration and nagging behaviors. Likewise, a husband who begins to think of his marriage as "bad" might begin to focus on all the negatives. He may become critical ignoring many positive aspects of the relationship.
How can we battle negative cognitions in our marriage? Consider Philippians 4:8, " Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." In other words focus on the positives. Anyone can be a critic and point out the negatives. Actively search for the positives in your spouse and in your relationship.
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