Intimacy in Marriage- Marriage Series Continued

As our class progresses through Worthington's (1999) 9 C's of marriage we come to "Closeness" (p.60).  I would instead like to call this "closed-ness" because the image of a closed circle comes to mind when discussing intimacy.  It is the emotional, intellectual, and physcial interactions that are exclusive to the relationship.  In other words there are thoughts, feelings, and actions to be kept inside the closed circle of the relationship to achieve intimacy.  

Intellectual intimacy refers to the shared thought life of a couple.  There is information that is to be kept between a couple and not shared with those outside the relationship.  A spouse can feel deeply hurt and betrayed when private information is carelessly shared.

Emotional intimacy refers to those feelings which should be reserved for your spouse.  Feelings of romantic love or feelings of lust/arousal should never be fostered outside of the marriage relationship.  Intimacy is broken when such feelings stray outside the closed circle.

Physical intimacy refers to the actions meant to be shared by a married couple.  This can be much more than intercourse.  Intimate touches such as massaging or handholding outside of the marriage can destroy intimacy in the marriage.

Breaking the inner circle of intimacy can happen in two ways.  Outside influences attacking the circle can diminish intimacy.  This can include the distraction of work, hobbies, friends, children, etc.  Anything that prevents a couple from developing their relationship in privacy (without distraction).  Couples need to be purposeful in protecting intimacy and setting time aside to develop their inner circle.  The other threat to intimcay is from the inside and tends to be much more damaging.  When a spouse breaks the circle taking things that ought to be kept inside the relationship outside.  Examples would be a wife who shares private information with girlfriends, or a husband who is flirting with a coworker.

How should couples respond?  Form the habit of setting aside time for one another.  Recognize distractions and agree on how best to deal with them.  Honor intimacy and be diligent to defend it in your marriage.  Read Proverbs 5:15-17 and consider the implications of this passage in your marriage.

Worthington, E.L. (1999). Hope-Focused Marriage Counseling: A Guide to Brief Therapy. Downers Grove, IL: Intervarsity.