Marriage series- Expectations

This past week we looked at the William James quote that "happiness is performance divided by expectation."  The math gifted among us insisted that I add, "if happiness equals 1."  This means that our expectations for our spouse and our perception of their performance need to balance.  Discord comes when expectations are high and performance is low or vice versa.  Some considerations:

• Do I expect too much or too little from my spouse?
• Is my performance as good as it could/should be?
• Have I adequately communicated AND demonstrated my expectations?
• How do low expectations affect my spouse?

Low expectations are particularly hurtful to men who are usually seeking significance.  Overly high expectations are particularly hurtful to women who want to feel approval (securtiy). 

It is valuable to remember that you can't change the expectations or performance of your spouse.  We only have power over our own thinking and behavior.  We can altar our performance or shift our expectations.  So what do we do about the discord?

Grace means we lower expectations even when performance below par.  We extend forgiveness to a spouse who holds rigidlly high expectations over us.  Encouragment comes when we raise our expectations and recognize a capable spouse.  The best question to ask yourself is, "How did God respond to me when I fell short of His expectations?"  The answer can be found in Romans 5:8.