Can We Talk?

"Can we talk?"  Sometimes these words can make your hear skip a few beats.  When a person feels the need to ask permission to communicate it usually means something serious is coming.  So, when my 7 year old came to me saying, "Daddy, can I talk to you?" I felt a heart palpitation.  Now, there is not much a 7 year old can do to get into serious trouble, but I still felt worry.  Moreover, I was in the middle of cooking dinner and the other two kiddos were fighting over a toy in the background.  However, instead of putting her off until dinner was finished, or reacting with worry, I simply scooped her up and sat her on the counter and said, "Let's talk."  Tears started flowing and she told me about not having someone to play with at recess.  To you or me that seems minor... but to her it was a BIG deal.  So, I listened, I nodded, I got her a tissue, and I hugged her.  That was it.  No advice giving, no lectures.  My hope is that this interaction teachers her that someday she can talk to me about boys, or what to do when friends are drinking, or how to say "no" when she needs to. 

Today I had lunch with a good friend.  We talked about how too many churches sell God as something far less than He is.  Our God is not only Lord and creator, but He is also ready to listen to us at anytime.  There is no topic too trivial and He is never too busy to listen.  Moreover, He can empathize with us.  Not just direct us, or admonish us, but empathize.  That encourages me to go to Him with my issues more and more.

Sacrifice- Marriage Series Conclusion

The Declaration of Independence states that people are "...created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights..."  It is true that people are equal.  There is no divine special privilege for one group of peoples over another.  Let me take this a step farther.  Sinners and saved are equal.  Christians, Muslims, Jews, and atheists are equal.  If we truly believe the Roman letter when it tells us that "all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God" then we believe that all are equal spiritually.  This is not to say that all worship (or lack worship) legitimately nor does it mean all are saved (I am not a universalist).  However, it is to say that there are no favorites among God's children (creation).  This explains why blessings come to the sinful and the saints.

Sacrifice is choosing to give up rights.  This is different than not knowing rights.  Fools do not know their rights.  Mature Christians know their rights and choose to lay them down for the sake of another.  The Declaration of Independence specifically mentions our rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  Christ allowed himself to be arrested giving up his liberty, was sentenced to death giving up his life, making his happiness about our salvation.

I want to end my marriage series with this definition of sacrifice.  When I can give up my claims to rights for the sake of my spouse, then I will have a truly Godly partnership.  When wronged I have the right to complain and seek restitution.  Understanding equality and knowing the value of sacrifice means I may never claim those rights.  This is where Christian maturity results in a more satisfying relationship.

Intimacy in Marriage- Marriage Series Continued

As our class progresses through Worthington's (1999) 9 C's of marriage we come to "Closeness" (p.60).  I would instead like to call this "closed-ness" because the image of a closed circle comes to mind when discussing intimacy.  It is the emotional, intellectual, and physcial interactions that are exclusive to the relationship.  In other words there are thoughts, feelings, and actions to be kept inside the closed circle of the relationship to achieve intimacy.  

Intellectual intimacy refers to the shared thought life of a couple.  There is information that is to be kept between a couple and not shared with those outside the relationship.  A spouse can feel deeply hurt and betrayed when private information is carelessly shared.

Emotional intimacy refers to those feelings which should be reserved for your spouse.  Feelings of romantic love or feelings of lust/arousal should never be fostered outside of the marriage relationship.  Intimacy is broken when such feelings stray outside the closed circle.

Physical intimacy refers to the actions meant to be shared by a married couple.  This can be much more than intercourse.  Intimate touches such as massaging or handholding outside of the marriage can destroy intimacy in the marriage.

Breaking the inner circle of intimacy can happen in two ways.  Outside influences attacking the circle can diminish intimacy.  This can include the distraction of work, hobbies, friends, children, etc.  Anything that prevents a couple from developing their relationship in privacy (without distraction).  Couples need to be purposeful in protecting intimacy and setting time aside to develop their inner circle.  The other threat to intimcay is from the inside and tends to be much more damaging.  When a spouse breaks the circle taking things that ought to be kept inside the relationship outside.  Examples would be a wife who shares private information with girlfriends, or a husband who is flirting with a coworker.

How should couples respond?  Form the habit of setting aside time for one another.  Recognize distractions and agree on how best to deal with them.  Honor intimacy and be diligent to defend it in your marriage.  Read Proverbs 5:15-17 and consider the implications of this passage in your marriage.

Worthington, E.L. (1999). Hope-Focused Marriage Counseling: A Guide to Brief Therapy. Downers Grove, IL: Intervarsity.  

Violence Against Christians

I want to take a break from my marriage series to comment on the events in Egypt.  On October 9th twenty-one Christians were killed by the Egyptian military who currently have power in Egypt.  Reports say that they were killed by being run over by armoured vehicles or were shot with live ammunition (as opposed to the non-lethal riot gear that is available).  These Christians were part of a protest march responding to a church being destroyed earlier that year.  This weekend hundreds marched (without incident) in remembrance of those killed.

How should we respond to such incidents?  Perhaps our first response is to place blame and point fingers toward growing Islamic extremism.  This is often the first response I hear.  However, the recent march in remembrance of the slain Christians included Muslims who are calling for unity.  There are those within the Islamic community who realize that violence is not the right answer.  Moreover, too many Christians are quick to point the finger and call for retaliation.  Is this a Christian response.  Is this truly following the man who said, "Blessed are the peacemakers." 

News reports say that the military regime in charge in Egypt is trying to stir religious tension.  Such tension will allow militant leaders to maintain control and will derail the progress of democracy in that country.  They understand that religious tolerance (the kind granted in our First Amendment) will ruin their militant rule.  There is a lot we could learn from what is happening in Egypt.

Sources:

Washington Post
Constitution

You are What You Think- Marriage Series

You have probably heard it said, "you are what you eat."  Food provides the nutrients and building blocks that make up your body.  Many believe that thoughts or cognitions are what make up a person's life.  From our thoughts come actions (behaviors) and feelings (emotions).  Just as right eating results in a healthy body, right thinking results in a healthy life (correct behaviors and positive emotions).  According to the King James translation Proverbs 23:7 says, "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he."  Our thoughts play a pivotal role in how we conduct our lives especially in our relationships.
Spouses can develop negative thought patterns about their relationship or spouse.  For example, early in their relationship a wife allowed her husband to take out the trash when he had time.  If he forgot she assumed he was busy.  Later in the marriage she might develop the thought that he is lazy.  Now if he does not take the trash out right away it is because he is lazy.  If he forgets she nags him about being lazy.  Her change in thinking results in feelings of frustration and nagging behaviors.  Likewise, a husband who begins to think of his marriage as "bad" might begin to focus on all the negatives.  He may become critical ignoring many positive aspects of the relationship.

How can we battle negative cognitions in our marriage?  Consider Philippians 4:8, " Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."  In other words focus on the positives.  Anyone can be a critic and point out the negatives.  Actively search for the positives in your spouse and in your relationship.

Marital Conflict and Resolution

Conflict is inevitable and too often viewed as negative.  While marriages can experience unhealthy types of conflict, or unhealthy levels of conflict, there needs to be an understanding that conflict can be positive.  Conflict is a means to resolve differences.  Through the process of conflict we can come to agreement or mutually beneficial compromise.  Conflict can clear the air of "cold war" type disagreements that have quietly been preventing intimacy. 

Often couples are uncomfortable with the way they fight.  Arguments may involve shouting, hurtful comments, door slamming, passive aggressive gestures, or worse.  In his book Hope Focused Marriage Counseling, Everett Worthington offers an acrostic with the letters L.O.V.E.  Consider how the following applies to conflict:

• Listen and repeat (paraphrase)
• Observe the effect you are having
• Value your partner (and refuse to devalue them)
• Evaluate your goals

If people were better listeners a lot of arguing would be prevented.  Usually couples want the same things and differ slightly on how to go about achieving goals.  Demonstrating good listening tells your spouse they are valued and cuts some of the negative emotions involved in conflict. 

Observing your effects means you pay attention to how your spouse is responding.  If they are cringing or backing away it is a cue to change your tone.  They may not be hearing your message because of the delivery style.  Adjust your actions accroding to your spouse's responses.

Valuing and refusing to devalue means you will keep it a clean fight.  Insults are out of bounds if you want to keep conflicts healthy.  Assume good will and avoid devaluing your partner's position.

Evaluating goals means you keep the main thing the main thing.  Too often conflicts drift into multiple topics.  Keeping the focus on the topic of disagreement can prevent complications and the argument becoming personal.

Couples should practice communicating according to the LOVE model.  It is a lot easier to communicate this way when emotions are not running high.  The more practice the more likely a couple will be prepared when conflicts do come about.

Marriage Series- Confession, Repentance, and Forgiveness

All too often we separate the sacred and the secular and thus pigeonholing our Christianity to Sunday morning.  Words such as confession, repentance and forgiveness have as much place at home on Monday, or at our workplace on Tuesday as they do in church on Sunday.  These concepts are especially valid in marriage.  However, we often misuse these practices as a way to change our spouse (very often to our liking or expectations). 

Confession is given, not taken.  It takes courage and trust to enable someone to make a confession.  That person has to believe that forgiveness will be extended to them.  If they are met with anger or criticism it is likely they will not offer confession again.  Romans tells us that we have all sinned.  The apostle John emphasizes that denying sin makes us liars.  Our spouses will fail us.  If we value honesty in our relationship then we need to be able to respond to confession with forgiveness.

Repentance is something else that cannot be forced.  You cannot make someone genuinely repent.  It is their choice.  This does not mean you have to accept certain behaviors.  If your spouse acts condescendingly toward you certainly state your thoughts and feelings.  Moreover, you can choose to walk away or not listen when you are being spoken to in a hurtful way.  This is your right.  However, to try and nag, argue, or fight them to repentance is unhealthy.  Such behaviors create a parent-child interaction and is not a marriage of equals.  Real, genuine repentance is not the result of manipulating behaviors.

Forgiveness is probably the most difficult and least understood of all the concepts here.  Forgiveness does not mean forgetting and it certainly does not mean justifying (saying something was OK or "fine" when it was hurtful and damaging).  Honesty is the first step in forgiveness.  An honest assessment of the hurt.  Honest statements such as, "your anger bothers me and is not OK" or "forgetting my birthday hurts my feelings" is the best way to begin forgiveness.  The hurt person needs to acknowledge the damage before they can forgive it.  Jesus never said it was OK to crucify him.  He also never justified the behavior of sinners, yet he forgives them.  Forgiveness is choosing your response to the hurt.  There is rarely (if ever) a time when a person has earned or deserves forgiveness.  It is always a gift.  In marriage repentance can aid in the process of forgiveness but is not necessary to forgive.  A person can choose to forgive an unrepentant spouse.  Again, this does not mean you sugar coat the hurt, rather you choose to respond to the hurt with love.  This is Christian maturity at its best and the reason why faith has to be one of the parts of a healthy marriage.

Marriage Series- Confession and Forgiveness

James 5:16 tells us to confess our faults or sins to one another.  Doing so requires a depth of relationship that goes well beyond your average acquaintance.  In order to openly confess faults one needs to be vulnerable.  Instead of being vulnerable we are often the opposite- defensive.  Defenses can be healthy and can keep us from engaging in hurtful interactions.  Healthy defenses I refer to as Boundaries after the Cloud and Townsend books by the same title.  However, unhealthy defensiveness keeps us from fully experiencing intimacy.  John Gottman named defensiveness as one of the four horseman of marital apocalypse (see this article for more on this).   

How do we overcome defensiveness and attain the ability to confess?  If I am the one being defensive I need to understand why.  What is the perceived threat that makes me defensive.  Perhaps my spouse is hurting me in some way.  If so I need to communicate this and extend forgiveness.  If it is insecurity, then I need to meditate on my value in Christ (check out this article on Christians and self esteem).  If my spouse is being defensive then I need to understand the threat.  Have I hurt my spouse in some way?  If so then I confess and ask forgiveness.  If it is insecurity then I need to be supportive. 

Again, the solution begins with me whether or not I am the problem.  I can only change what I do and my perception of the relationship.

This week we are confessing our shortcomings as part of our talk time.  This is a risky move but I hope a lot of confession and forgiveness comes out of the assignment.

Marriage series- Expectations

This past week we looked at the William James quote that "happiness is performance divided by expectation."  The math gifted among us insisted that I add, "if happiness equals 1."  This means that our expectations for our spouse and our perception of their performance need to balance.  Discord comes when expectations are high and performance is low or vice versa.  Some considerations:

• Do I expect too much or too little from my spouse?
• Is my performance as good as it could/should be?
• Have I adequately communicated AND demonstrated my expectations?
• How do low expectations affect my spouse?

Low expectations are particularly hurtful to men who are usually seeking significance.  Overly high expectations are particularly hurtful to women who want to feel approval (securtiy). 

It is valuable to remember that you can't change the expectations or performance of your spouse.  We only have power over our own thinking and behavior.  We can altar our performance or shift our expectations.  So what do we do about the discord?

Grace means we lower expectations even when performance below par.  We extend forgiveness to a spouse who holds rigidlly high expectations over us.  Encouragment comes when we raise our expectations and recognize a capable spouse.  The best question to ask yourself is, "How did God respond to me when I fell short of His expectations?"  The answer can be found in Romans 5:8.     
  

Values in Marriage

The standout phrase from yesterday's class is, "it is important to me because it is important to you."  This is where the Christian marriage should have an advantage.  At the center of Christian doctrine is to make sacrifices for others.  Believers consider the second greatest command to be, “love your neighbor as yourself.”  How is it then that Christians struggle to love their spouse as themselves?  It comes down to the choice to devalue the other person.

In Hope Focused Marriage Counseling, Dr. Worthington defines love as “being willing to value the other person and being unwilling to devalue that person” (xxix).  There are numerous passages that speak to the value of the individual (the parables of Luke 15 come to mind). 

When we value another person equal to ourselves it becomes apparent in our speech, actions, use of time, etc.  What that person values becomes important to us.  Differences in values are expected and accepted.  Conflicts will occur but they will take on a different tone… more on this when we get to the lesson on conflict resolution.

Some questions to consider (and maybe respond to here).  Why is it so hard to accept and respect another person’s values?  Where do our values come from?  Do our values change over time?  How do we work out differences in our core values?

Worthington, E.L. (1999). Hope-Focused Marriage Counseling: A Guide to Brief Therapy. Downers Grove, IL: Intervarsity Press.

Ongoing Marriage Series

I like to combine things when I can.  It might be a little bit of a lazy streak but I like to simplify life as much as possible.  My sermon a couple of Sunday's ago was based on an assigned reading task for school.  Due to a busy schedule I have not been able to blog.  SO, I am going to blog about marriage as a supplement to my Sunday morning marriage class.  I hope to generate discussion with people who are outside of our class (and comments from those in the class are welcome too).  I am doing this so I can blog but not put extra thought into it.  Hope you don't feel cheated.

So, today we talked about relationships sinking into an automatic mode.  This tends to take the form of mutual tasks (ex. she wakes and feeds the kids while he feeds and walks the dog).  When life transitions these and roles change (kids move out so what does she do now?) it can be a problem if our relationship is founded on such things.  We need to have value beyond the tasks we perform for each other.  Dr. Larry Crabb says that people are trying to fill 2 basic needs.  A need for security (safety, love and belonging) and a need for significance (usefulness, purpose, a reason to live beyond self).  Ultimately, Dr. Crabb says these needs are met in God through Christ.  However, are security and significance values we have in our relationship?  A wife might ask, "would he still love me is I didn't feed him every day?"  A husband might ask, "Would she still love me if I didn't take out the trash?"  Security and significance are vital aspects to a healthy marriage.  Chances are he wants to feel significant in the relationship and she wants to feel secure.

Crabb, L.J. (1977). Effective biblical counseling: A model for helping caring Christians become capable counselors. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

Belonging

The desire to belong to a group is a powerful motivator.  In adolescent culture belonging is a primary goal that occupies a lot of time and effort.  It is no wonder that people who visit churches rank "a warm, friendly greeting" and "friendly atmosphere" as their top priorities.  Books, articles, and websites are written about these topics.  Entire ministries are dedicated to welcoming visitors.  What does this say?  We want to belong.  We want to be welcomed into a group of people.  We want to be accepted.  In my work with youth I have seen amazing acts of acceptance and I have seen painful acts of rejection.  It is very hard to bring someone into the church after they have experienced rejection (in fact I have never managed to undo such damage). 

Let's take this concept outside the walls of our place of worship.  If we are a people who can welcome others then we have met a great need.  Warm hospitality is the answer to how to evangelize.  Consider what it would take for you to feel fully accepted at your congregation.  This is a clue to the type of person you need to be.  This can be accomplished via a full expression of love. 

The First Step

It is Friday, the end of a very fulfilling VBS week.  Just a few weeks ago 70+ volunteers were involved in our community service day.  This past week 60+ kids were blessed through our VBS.  At 4:30am I will be leaving for our mission trip in New Mexico.  Our team is going to the Manuelito Navajo Children's home in Gallup, NM (see http://www.mnch.org/ for more info).  What does God have in store for this coming week?  What challenges will we face.  What opportunities are awaiting us?  Please pray for our team.  Also, you can comment here with notes of encouragement that I will share with our group every night at devotionals.  Check back in for updates and pictures!

Eternal Investment

Tomorrow Amanda and I go to meet with our financial advisor.  At this once a year meeting we hear all about how we are progressing toward our financial goals.  Our goals are to pay off our home, help our kids with college expenses, and eventually retire.  Our advisor tells us what to do with our money to accomplish these goals.  Yesterday we sold a vehicle that had 2 years of payments left.  We sold it in order to eliminate our car payment.  This small sacrifice was made to help us reach our goals.

In Matthew 6 Jesus tells us to store treasures in heaven.  Honestly, I am not certain what heavenly treasure is.  I doubt that it is currency or heavenly real estate (a cloud condo with golf course view).  I will do my best to share an educated guess.

We spend 40+ hours a week securing our housing, food, clothing, utilities and savings.  I think Jesus is telling us that we should be spending some time securing our salvation.  Investing time and effort into being good Christians has eternal value.  Once our salvation is secure I think we need to turn our focus to that which God values most... people.   By bringing others to Christ we are expanding the kingdom of heaven.  In so doing we are storing up souls in eternity. 

What are your heavenly goals?  What sacrifices might need to be made to accomplish these goals?  How much time and effort do we put into kingdom investments? 

This is the day

In the 118 Psalm the writer declares, "this is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it."  When I read these words I consider all that can happen in a day.  Not just on a personal level, but on a global level.  In any given day someone dies and someone is born.  Another day of war somewhere in the world.  Perhaps peace was made somewhere in the world.  Sins are committed and sins are repented of.  On any given day a couple is married while another marriage comes to an end.  One doctor heals a patient while another doctor delivers bad news to an anxious family.  It is likely that all of these things occur on any given day.  Overseeing all of this is God.  God brings about the blessings of the positive and God also is present during the bad.  He works each day to bring about the good even in the midst of evil.  So, whatever a day may bring we can truly rejoice and be glad in it because God made that day. 

On Sex and Love

Advertisers have discovered that manipulating a natural drive is a great way to sell a product.  Corporations have done more to define sexuality in the last two centuries than we would ever imagine.  I wonder... what would sexuality be like if there was no advertising?  Imagine a world where men would not even consider objectifying women.  Can you think of sex as a by product of a committed, loving relationship and not vice-versa?  What if the concepts of love and attractiveness were not tangled together in ways God never intended?  The Bible refers to Satan as a liar and the father of lies.  The church should be on the forefront of the truth regarding sex and sexuality.  We run and hide from this topic and let the world twist this gift from God.  I would like to see the church play a greater role in defining sex and sexuality in our culture.  What impact this would have on divorce rates, teen pregnancy, eating disorders, abortion, disease, and more. 

Here are some additional resources to check out:

• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJ5JUwOokAQ&feature=related
• How Evil Works: Understanding and Overcoming the Destructive Forces That Are Transforming America
• Why True Love Waits by Josh McDowell

Disciple

It has caught my attention that the word disciple has been popping up more and more in secular usage especially in the business world (see http://www.willmancini.com/2010/01/if-steve-jobs-made-disciples.html) for an example.  Basically the idea is to find a leader, teacher, mentor and glean all that one can from that person.  To follow them, learn from them, copy them, and then be able to do what they do.  The business world understands the value of discipleship.  Sometimes I wonder if the church has lost sight of the value of discipleship.  To follow Jesus as a disciple means we learn from Him, copy Him, and then find ourselves able to do the things He did.  In his video Dust, Rob Bell suggests that we fear copying Christ to the point of being like Him because we doubt ourselves (view it here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_-fDTzNz9s).  We doubt our ability to be Christ-like.  I think we do fear Christ-likeness but for different reasons.  I think we fear being a disciple and becoming Christ-like because of the cost.  We don't want to pay the price of discipleship.  More on this to come.   

A Prayer for my Children

Dear God,
    I thank you for my children.  Please let me be worthy of their innocence.  Help me father to keep their joy while overcoming their fears.  May I never forget how to play in the yard you have given me.  Humble me and let me be little before you yet give me the strength to protect them when I need to.  Redeem me as a parent so that you might be successful despite my failings.  Remind me everyday that they are yours and you have entrusted me to their care.  Help me be worthy of such a trust.  Amen. 

Taking a Risk

Dormant.  Or maybe another word that can be used is stagnant.  In moments of inactivity it is harder to see God (my personal opinion).  God is much easier to see in the midst of activity.  Whether that activity is ministry work, tragedy, or blessing it is easier to see God in these moments.  One of the best ways to see God is to take a little risk.  Not the foolish kind of risk (for more on this see Proverbs) but the living-like-Christ kind.  The letting your light shine kind of risk.  The, "I will trust you in this because it makes no earthly sense to me" kind of risk.  This might mean going on a mission, giving a large gift, diving into a ministry area, making a commitment to volunteer a number of hours, making a confession etc.  In our group we call this the BSS or Big Scary Step.  For Abraham it was the first steps leaving his home country.  For Peter it was the first step out of the boat.  What will it be in your life?

A Top 10 Tough Challenge

I am working on a list of 10 hard things in anticipation of a series of lessons that Adam Markle and I will be teaching soon.  I would really like to hear what everyone out there thinks about the tough things God asks of us.  To prime the pumps I am going to say that one of the toughest things we are called to do is live in community with one another.  We are so diverse and unique that it is hard for two people to live together- much less a congregation of 180.  However, for some reason God calls us to live in community and do so with unity and peace.  Not easy... what are your thoughts?  What has God asked of us that is tough?

On Divorce

Whoa, did I get a lot of emails about divorce after my last post (Divine Ventriloquist).  There is such a variety of thoughts and emotions on this topic that I thought I should clarify with an add-on post. 

To begin I have seen teachings that say Malachi 2:16 is not referring to divorce as we understand it... this is not so.  The context of the passage will tell you that God is referring to a broken marriage.  In verse 14 God is angry over the broken promise and ruined relationship.  The context of this verse is marital unfaithfulness and I will address that in a moment.

Also, this passage is directed toward men.  Culturally we understand that in that time period women could not make the decision to divorce.  This does not excuse women from similar admonishment.

Third, I do not believe that divorce is an unforgiveable sin.  However, I do believe that sin is involved in divorce.  Fighting, arguing, and selfishness, are a part of the process that leads to divorce.  Anger, jealousy, bitterness may also have been part of the process.  These things are hurtful, sad, and not what God intends for or from His people.  We can be tempted to play the blame game of his fault or her fault but that is more of the same division.  The church should focus more on prevention and healing than on assigning fault or guilt.

Additionally, I do believe there are circumstances that are the darkest of all.  Child abuse or spousal abuse are sins that anger God.  Unfaithfulness is one of those anger-invoking sins that is mentioned directly in Malachi.  Such circumstances are complex and should not be met with simple responses.  I have been awed at the willingness of a spouse to forgive cheating.  I have been confused at the unwillingness of a spouse to escape abuse.  These cases have no easy answers and should be addressed individually with much prayer.

Divorce is messy, ugly and hurtful.  God hates divorce because it hurts his people when they go through it.  It does not say that God hates divorcees.  He does not.  However, it angers Him when His children are hurting and hurting each other. 

I think this adequately responds to the emails I have gotten.  Would like to see some of that discussion here so that everyone could give input.   

The Divine Ventriloquist

How many of us are perfecting our ventriloquist act?  You know, the ability to make your voice appear to come from some inanimate object (such as a puppet).  Many people are experts at ventriloquism and don't even realize it.  What I am referring to is the number of people who are able to make their own voice come out of God.  Almost all of us have this amazing ability to make God say what we want Him to say instead of listening to His divine voice.

For some this occurs when they read scripture.  They want the Bible to say certain things or not say other things.  We apply political correctness to the timeless truths until we hear our own voice coming out of the scriptures.  It takes rigorous discipline to approach the Bible in as neutral and open-minded way as possible.  Without such discipline we will certainly be performing ventriloquism before we know it.

Others confuse their own thoughts and desires for the will of God in their life.  More and more I have heard of husbands who have left wife and kids because, "God wants me to be happy."  Is it too politically incorrect to tell you that Malachi 2:16 says, "God hates divorce?"  He hates it because it means somewhere in that relationship someone (maybe both someones) did not act Christ-like.  It means that a covenant was broken.  Maybe there was abuse? No doubt such a thing breaks God's heart.  How dare people then say that God wants them to divorce?  God wants them to run off with someone else?  I don't think so.  Quite an act of ventriloquism!

Finally, this can be done on a corporate level too.  There are times when the church can get so mired in tradition, cultural practices, and particular interpretations/teachings that it will not listen to God's voice in the present.  Maybe new teachings or cultural changes (that are acceptable) will be rejected meaninglessly.  Leaders need to avoid replacing God's voice with their own.

My conclusions on the matter is that we are still caught up in the first sin.  In Genesis satan tempted Eve by telling her she would be like God.  We are still trying to be God.  We are silencing Him and filling in our own voice instead.  We are not being image bearers but image changers.  Trying to make God in our image. 

Cares about cancer

Amanda is certainly more the crusader when it comes to cancer than I.  However, I cannot help but think of all the people who have had their lives changed (even if momentarily) by cancer.  I think of this because this weekend we had the joy of being part of a dinner, dance and auction benefitting City of Hope.  This amazing organization has developed cancer treatments that I can't begin to spell, but my wife uses every week in her work as an oncology nurse.  What they do amazes me and I believe that God is producing miracles through science and research.  Pray for people who have cancer.  Pray for the people who are on the front lines fighting cancer.  Pray for those who are searching for a cure.  Pray for a cure.   

Buried Deep

I have never buried money.  There is no gold in my back yard or maps with X marking the spot anywhere in my house.  The very idea of burying money seems really strange to me.  Money is a tool.  It is meant to be spent, invested, donated, exchanged, saved etc.  It is not meant to be dormant.  Money is meant to be used and useful.  Consider this the next time you read the parable of the talents (Matthew 25:14-30).  The boss is angry when he returns to find that one of his servants buried his money instead of using it. 

There are so many things that we have been given that we overlook.  All the readers of this blog who I know have at least average (or above) intelligence, have no physical handicaps, have a home and family, etc.  These very basic things are so easily taken for granted- so easily buried.  Many of us have been lied to and believe that there is nothing we are unable to do anything of significance in this world.  But, you do have something to offer.

All too often the blessing you have get buried.  These things get lost in the midst of media noise, business, or lies.  Choosing to veg instead of putting talents to use.  Believing that you have no talents.  Or being too caught up in lesser activities.

Get out the shovel, uncover your talents (no matter how small) and put them to use.  This is why they were given to you in the first place.

My Flesh

There are 420 calories in a pack of cinnamon and brown sugar Pop-Tarts.  Normally, I would not care one bit.  However, I am getting ready for the 5k benefiting Olivia's House on April 2.  Part of my preparing is to cut back so that there is less Ken to move around the track!  Thus, my Pop-Tart dilemma.  As I sit here eating the last few bites I am reminded of our lesson on Sunday.  Genetic predispositions and the Holy Spirit was the lofty topic that we got into.  Here is where I will confess... I am a foodie.  Food knows me by name and I answer its siren call.  I do not fast often (and when I do it is for a ridiculously short period of time) becuase I do not want to fail in a commitment to God (thus missing the whole point of fasting to begin with). 

It is here that I would like to blame my genes.  I have some gene in my cells that makes my chemistry light up when I am eating.  There is some part of my brain programmed to be happy in the presence of pasta.  Late night snacking is a direct result of my DNA.  SO, I should give up the fight and be fat and happy... right?

Well, what about the genetic predisposition toward Alcoholism?  My genes, and the way they affect the neurochemical Gamma-amino butyric acid or GABA, have some effect on my risk for alcoholism (see http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=26119 for more info).  Now, having alcoholism in my family history it is likely that I may have the genes that are linked to alcoholism.  A genetic predisposition. SO, should I give up the fight and be fat, drunk, and, well, not so happy?

This is all based on the physical part of me... my genes and DNA.  Let's call this physical part "the flesh" and the predispositions "the desires of the flesh."  My genes and DNA want Pop-Tarts and 420 calories of brown sugar deliciousness.  Can I say no to the desires of the flesh?  What about the spiritual part of me?  What about my free-will and my ability to choose?  What about my spirit?  What about God's Holy Spirit.

In I Corinthians 6 Paul says that he will not let anything master him.  He will not become a slave to the desires of the flesh.  It is not easy to deny your flesh those things that are being desired even to the genetic level... but it is possible.  Am I an alcoholic?  NO (and that is not denial- I really am not).  Why not?  Because I refuse to let alcohol be a part of my life.  I will not give it the chance to master me.  There are sins that I am actively struggling with and they may be things I am genetically predisposed to.  I will not just give up the struggle and accept them as a part of my life.  This is where my free-will, my spirit, and God's Holy Spirit work together.

The Little Things

It is the little things that make all of the difference.  It is the little things that evade me sometimes.  Remembering to send a text message to my wife during the day.  Taking a little extra time with each child at bedtime.  Interacting directly with each teen in the group.  Those little gestures are easy to forget but can have a profound impact. 

I believe that God is asking us everyday if we can be trusted in the little things.  Those small acts of kindness or compassion that add up to make the world a better place.  Taking the time to listen to someone complain about their rough morning.  Remembering to send thank you cards.  Calling someone on their birthday.  These are not great acts of Christian service... but they are important.  In the parable of the talents we read that those who were faithful in small acts can then be trusted with much more.  If you want to be a world-changer then you need to prove faithful in the small acts.

Being an Extremist

I will admit that I was a little nervous going into last night's lesson.  Teaching on controversial topics needs to be done, but needs to be done with caution.  I was cautious making sure my references were correct, checking with my wife to make sure I was on track, and praying for guidance through the process.  You may wonder why I would go through such trouble?  Why not stick to a safer topic?  Well, the answer is very simple- we need to maintain a moral standard.  Fear is a motivator of silence.  When certain topics are made to be taboo, then fear keeps us from addressing them.  There shouldn't be a topic that we fear. 

That being said, there are those people in the world who are controversial just for the sake of notoriety.  This is wrong.  Blessed are the peacemakers.  We need more peacemakers, not more controversy. 

Now, I wonder if there will come a time when anyone maintaining a moral standard will be viewed as an extremist?   I already feel like I am viewed that way sometimes.  When I speak to teens about how it is wrong to pirate music or movies they roll their eyes at me.  I am sure it seems extreme to some to label pirating as stealing.  Dare we even discuss such simingly trivial things as using the Lord's name in vain and whether or not the text version OMG! is acceptable? 

I do not want to hen peck, or nitpick, or strain gnats, or whatever description fits best.  It is not my goal to turn legalistic.  However, it is my goal to value standards.  I do not want to compromise morals.  Certainly I don't want the next generation to not hear a message because it was unpopular or controversial.  What do you think?

What I Have That God Doesn't

According to Psalm 50 God "owns the cattle on a thousand hills."  This is an ancient way of saying God owns it all.  In fact much of Psalm 50 is dedicated to reminding us of that fact.  When we truly understand this comment it makes giving seem sort of silly.  God has made everything I can see and has placed everything I own within my hands.  It is by his hand that I was born in this wealthy nation and not in some poverty stricken, war-ravaged country.  So, when I give what am I doing?  Giving God what is already His.  I think it is much bigger than that.  Giving is a spiritual act.  When I write a check, donate food or clothes, or volunteer my time I am giving freewill. 

Freewill is the one thing God does not own.  When He created people he bestowed upon us something very unique... the ability to reject Him.  We were given choice a.k.a freewill.  God wanted us to choose Him willingly.  So, when we choose to give we are giving our ability to direct our resources to God.  An example of this would be the choice of buying an ipod or buying groceries for a needy family.  By choosing the groceris I am submitting my will to God.  He will never make me do such things, but rejoices when I freely choose to do so.  I have something I can give God that He doesn't already have... my freewill. 

I'm not a Mac, or a PC (dependence continued)

In my last post I blasted away a little at the Western notion of independence.  It has positives but, especially for those of us in the faith, it can exact a high cost. However, like most things dependence can be taken to an extreme or ill founded.  One example is dependence on things that define you.  Corporations discovered that people (and especially teens) are defining who they are but what they own.  Skeptical?  Remember these ads http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5z0Ia5jDt4 that divide people into "macs" and "PCs"?  Isn't the point of this ad that what computer you use defines who you are?  Of course PC had to remind us that, "I am Windows 7."  There are thousands of other products that are marketed to people looking for identity. 

Another means of dependence that is not healthy is dependence on relationships to define us.  The need to be dating or in a relationship in order to feel complete.  This notion has transformed the high school dating scene from puppy love and bouts of jealousy to vicious online intimidation, outbursts of violence or worse.  Any relationship where the lines of individuality are blurred is bordering on overly dependent and unhealthy. 

How do we live in close community and yet maintain a healthy independence?  First, I would say that you have to consider your role in the community.  If you can define your place and highlight your unique cotribution to the whole you are in a healthy place.  Also, I would say consider the outcomes.  Does your relying on others better the whole?  Or, is your dependence draining the whole (maybe someone else's dependence on you is draining you).  One example of this are the marketers who profit from your dependence on their product.  In the church the entire body is blessed from healthy dependence on one another.  Finally, I need to know how God would define me.  What did God create me to be and do?   

Developing Dependence

Why do we value independence so much?  Maybe it is because our country was founded by declaring independence from another country?  It could be due to the fact that much of our society is based on personal liberty?  Whatever the reason it is appearant to me that individualism is a value that ingrained.  There are many wonderful aspects of independence that I would promote, however, this post is more about the problems that can come from independence. 

It is out of a sense of personal independence that can cause a couple not to seek counseling until their marriage near ruin.  Independence keeps us from falling to our knees in prayer the first instant we encounter problems.  Personal independence can hinder unity in the church.  

Let me make a point for dependence.  When the founding fathers declared independence from England they depended on the American people to join together and fight.  As a nation we have had to come together to protect our personal liberties.  Much more can be accomplished in a group than individually.  For example, two horses can pull about 9,000 pounds. How many pounds can four horses pull? The arithmetical response is 18,000. Sounds reasonable – but it's wrong! Four horses can actually pull over 30,000 pounds (http://www.1000ventures.com/business_guide/crosscuttings/synergy.html).  Depending on each other can be a very good and very productive thing. 

The Bible says that Satan is a "roaring lion looking for someone to devour" (1 Peter 5:8).  I have seen enough nature shows to know that you want to be in a herd when predators are around.  It is the animal that gets separated from the pack who is at the most risk. 

Ok, this is my point about dependence.  Next post we are going to look at what happens when the pendulum swings too far the other direction- when dependence becomes and unhealthy thing.
 

The Dash in Between

I first heard the concept of the "Dash" in the Chris Rice song "Tick-Tock (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNTbgbLev4s)."  There are a couple of poems that address the same thought (see http://www.agentz.com/Inspirational/dash.html).  The "dash" in question is the line between the date of brith and date of death on a tombstone.  At some point in time God formed us and breathed life into us.  This breath, wind, energy that God put into us then went forth and began moving around this lump of flesh we reside in.  The moment we enter the world will be marked as a birthdate on a stone.  At some point the lump of flesh will wear out and they will mark that date on the other side of the dash.  What happens in that dash is my concern. 

God has granted you a set amount of time.  Perhaps we can look at it in terms of money.  Let's say God has given you $75.  How much of that will you spend on yourself?  What kind of things will you accomplish with that money?  You could buy a new pair of running shoes that might last a year.  Maybe you will want to buy 1 family groceries for a week.  You could pay for a well in Africa that will provide water for a village for generations.  Obviously there are some investments that will have a longer lasting impact.  Some investments can even have eternal impact.  You could use your $75 to buy Sunday school materials that teach children how to be saved.  You could buy 10 people Bibles and plant the word of God in hearts.

Now, let's get back to the dash concept.  What can you do with your dash that will have lasting impact.  What can you do with your dash that will have eternal impact?  When that second date is hammered on my stone I want to know that my dash will represent an eternal investment.  When I leave earth I don't want to leave all my efforts behind.  In heaven I want to see the fruit of my life's labor.  Those people I taught, served, loved, baptized, counseled, challenged, encountered, parented, grandparented, influenced, etc.                 

Ponderings on Pain

Pain can take many forms in our lives.  We are all familiar with the late night toe-stubbing type of physical pain.  Scrapes, stitches, broken bones, bruises and other assorted ouches that we encounter in life starting from the moment we try walking.  The body has an amazing ability to heal these hurts.  There are other types of pain that are not so easily overcome.  I am not sure if it is possible to separate mental pain from emotional pain, but there seem to be distinctions.  Painful memories and the repetition of negative thoughts might be categorized as mental pain.  Of course these things often result in emotional turmoil... feelings of guilt, regret, sadness, anger etc.  There are so many ways that we try to deal with these types of pains.  Denial, avoidance, addiction, prayer, counseling etc. 

In one of my counseling classes the question was asked, "is it a counselor's job to alleviate pain?"  I don't think so... at least not always.  Pain can be a good thing.  Pain tells a person something is wrong.  Pain reminds you to aim the hammer better.  Pain screams, "GET YOUR HAND OFF THE HOT STOVE DUMMY!"  Mental and emotional pain is a way for us to know things are not as they should be.  The world is not as it should be.  There are places in scripture where pain was not avoided, but fully experienced.  There are psalms of lament that express the deepest statements of sorrow and pain.  And, there is the book of Lamentations.

 These are not emo writings of ancient people.  The literature of lament was cathartic.  It was God allowing His people to pour out their hurts.  It is an admission that the world is not as it should be.  Statements like, "my heart melts like wax" and "my bones are crushed" are expressions of pain.  The pain was not denied, avoided, drowned in a bottle or alleviated by slick counseling.  It was fully experienced.  Once pain is fully realized what else can it accomplish?  Once the person realizes that they have faced their pain and survived then they can move on.  Therefore, the expressions of lament all end in a very similar fashion.  Typically the writer acknowledges God's soverignty... that God is God in good times and bad.  And then there is a hope statement.  Despite the deep, sorrowful nature of these writings there is always a hopeful ending.  Pain happens- but it does not last forever.

Do you mind?

The human brain fascinates me beyond anything else.  I can watch a show about discoveries in physics, or the exploration of great ocean depths, or the latest information from the farthest reaches of space and it will not captivate me to the degree that the human brain does.  Today I ate oatmeal, some chocolate covered pretzels (thanks Ruth!), and a pack of cheese crackers.  With this meager fuel my brain will be able to outperform the computer on which I am typing this blog.  Chemical reactions occurring in countless synapses between miles of nerves are resulting in my thoughts.  I believe this is where the essence of God operates within me.  I am creating something.  My thoughts are generating a blog post.  This post may spur creation to occur in you (if so then please post a comment).  The same God that spoke and created the universe gave me the ability to create.  Other brains in this world will create art, music, dance, or make discoveries in physics, chemistry, engineering, history, etc.  Out of my thoughts comes creativity.  Something is generated.  There is creation.  What was an electo-chemical response in my brain can become something tangible- like a blog post.  This fruit can be good... it can also be not so good.

When a mind lacks the presence of God there is a chance for some bad results.  There has been plenty of non-God directed mind productions.  Slavery, pornography, abortion, castes, and sexism are a few examples of mind power lacking God's presence.

So, when I choose to love God with all of my mind I need to be sure I am loving Him with all of my heart first.  Loving Him with all of my heart means He is a part of my being.  When God is a part of who I am then the products of my thinking will have that essence of God in them. 

By the way, I have to give credit to Mark Batterson and his book Primal for inspiring my Wednesday night lesson series and the resulting blog posts.  There is a link to his blog on here- check it out.  Also, I highly recommend his books to anyone who can read.

Sleepless in Dover

I am unable to sleep and wanted to blog in order to empty my head a little.You wouldn't know this unless I told you, but this is the fourth blog I have written tonight.  The first blog I wrote was a bitter commentary about everything wrong with the world.  It was an anger dump.  Is that really me?  No, it was just how I felt.  I deleted it.  The second post was an indirect response subtly making arguements against those who argued with me.  I read over the words and saw how I was trying desperately to be justified from a source other than God.  It would have felt so good to publish that post and show the internet world (ok, my small band of readers) how right I was and by doing so prove to myself how wrong those accusations were.  Am I the type of person who needs to prove their rightness?  I don't want to be.  Telling you this makes me feel childish and humbled as it should.  I deleted that post.  Honestly, I can't remember what the third post was really about.  After reading it I decided it didn't accurately reflect me either so I deleted it.  Before writing this post I reminded myself that joy is my choice.  It is a tough choice.  Doesn't seem like it would be.  If given the choice of joy or miserable grumblings you would think most people would choose joy.  I had to fight to get myself to choose joy.  So, now that you that you have the back ground information here is my self reminder to be joyful:

• I do not have to be perfect because God is for me
• My wife and children are here, happy and healthy
• Dexter loves me no matter what
• I live in a nice, warm home
• Pasta
• I have never known real physical hunger or thirst
• I'm healthy
• God has allowed me to know some of the greatest people
• Love
• James 2:1-4 and 2 Corinthian 6:4-10,

  My closing thought- I win.  Satan threw some pretty good material my way today, but I win.  I almost didn't choose joy but this is who I am... joyful. 

A Fruit Analysis

Continuing on my theme about the heart.  What I am getting from the responses to the last post is that I am more than what I do... and I can't disagree with that.  The first thing I would consider is what it means to be made in the image of God.  Do I let that fact define my actions?  How does being an image bearer of God affect my choices in entertainment, friends, how I spend my time, etc.  To know the heart I work backwards- look at what I do (my choices) and deduce what that says about my heart (who I am).  In the Bible this would be referred to as looking at fruit- a fruit analysis.  Consider Matthew 7:16-20 and James 3:10-18 for more about bearing fruit.  I had considered posting the passages here but I think it would be better for everyone to look it up J  Hmmm… what does that decision say about me? 

Dr. Who

Ok, admittedly I choose this title because Dr. Who seems to come up in conversation A LOT in our group (Thanks Emily).  However, this is a perfect title for my thoughts this week (and for our new CREW topic).  I will confess (proudly I might add) that I do not know much (meaning anything) about Dr. Who.  His name implies some sort of identity crises to me.  Just hearing his name makes me think of someone who lacks self-awareness and cannot find his place in the world (or whatever time/space dimension thingy he may live in).  On Wednesday nights we will begin studying the Biblical concept of the heart.  This is not referring to the physical organ that pumps blood (did I hear somewhere that Dr. Who has 2 hearts?) but rather to a person's inward being.  It is also not simply the emotional center that we think about on Valentine's day.  The heart referred to in the New Testament is a person's inward being.  It would be the source of their personality.  This heart is the motivation of our every action, inclination, and preference.  The Biblical concept of heart would define why someone feels a certain way.  A trivial example would be why I like history but hate math.  Such preferences stem from who I am and what I value- this is the Biblical heart.  Now, back to the good doctor.  Someone who does not know themselves or lacks self-awarness does not know their own heart (or hearts).  They make choices every day without a thought about why.  These people have no clue what motivates them to do certain things (i.e. play video games) or not do certain things (i.e. the 10 page paper due on Monday).  They are out of touch with their heart.  We will be learning more about this and exploring how it relates to Luke 6:45 starting this Wednesday night.  For the sake of discussion comment on some of the ways  you define yourself (roles, activities, choices, personality or mood traits etc.).  Can you create a list of things that adequately define you?       

Why Freud Would Commit Me

It has been a tough week sports fans.  I love ministering to people but there are times when I think pushing a button in a factory somewhere would be a nice change of pace!  Being a follower of Christ means painful moments sometimes.  Not just the pain of your own life (stubbing a toe, getting a ticket, work stress etc.) but choosing to bear the pain of others also (grieving a loss, bearing the weight of sin, encouraging during times trail).  Freud believed that a primary motivation for people was the seeking of pleasure and the avoidance of pain.  In fact, Freud would view any behavior that ran contrary to this principle as suspect.  So, what would make a person willingly enter into (and experience) the pain of others?  One reason would be the great command to love your neighbor as yourself (this is one way to love God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength).  Galatians 6:2 tells us to "bear each other's burdens..." and in so doing we "fulfill the law of Christ."  Another reason to enter into the suffering of others is to be part of the common experience.  This is expressed in Ecclesiastes 7:2.  In this passage the writer urges the reader to attend funerals instead of feasts.  The reaon given is becuase death is the common experience of all.  This is a grim reminder but it is true.  By being with others in their times of sorrow and hardship we are preparing ourselves for similar experiences.  Moreover, when we support others in their time of need we secure for ourselves a support when trouble comes to us.  This is one of the tenets of the Parable of the Shrewd Manager (Luke 16:1-15- a part of the Bible many of you know I struggle with).  Freud was against religion.  He believed that religion put unneccessary guilt and restriction on people causing neurosis.  Are there instances when religious groups have caused more harm than good?  Yes.  However, what Freud misses is the therpay of the Bible.  People called to walk with one another through trials and pain.  In the process they strengthen themselves for similar trials (can we say preventative measures?).  As Saint Nikolai of Zicca reminds me troubles have "loosed me from earth" and "driven me into Thy embrace."  (see http://www.orthodox.net/trebnic/lord-bless-my-enemies.pdf).    

Gaining Intimacy

My last post was about what intimacy is and the difficulties achieving intimacy with God.  This post will focus on how we overcome those difficulties and grow closer to God.  We defined intimacy as honesty or the ability for two people to be genuine with one another.  Psalm 139 describes how well God knows us (whether we choose to reveal ourselves to him or not).  The first verse says, "O Lord, you have searched me and you know me."  We can choose to reveal ourselves to God by praying out the contents of our heart.  Sharing our frustrations with Him.  We can express our joys to God through prayer or worship.  We can give our worries to God.  He does not need us to share these things (a benefit of being omniscient) but He desires this from us.  By using our free will to reveal ourselves to God we are choosing him (an expression of our love).
 However, intimacy is a two way street.  We also need to allow God to reveal Himself to us.  Obviously we do not know God as well as He knows us.  The first chapter of the gospel of John tells us that when God came to earth (in the form of Christ) the people of earth did not recognize Him!  The bride did not recognize the bridegroom!  The image by whom we were made stood among us and we did not know it.  According to Hebrews 1:1 God has spoken (and I believe continues to speak) in many ways.  To gain intimacy with God we need to listen when he speaks.  I was taught (thanks Dr. Brooks) to remember BENJI:

Bible
Events (miracles)
Nature (Romans 1:10)
Jesus
Intuition (dreams, conscience, meditative thoughts)

We can become more intimate in our relationship with God by reading the Bible, contemplating God's invovlement in everyday events, observing and respecting nature, studying the life and teachings of Jesus, and by meditating (allowing our mind to focus) on God.  I am sure there are other ways to know God.  Would love to hear other thoughts on the topic.

Greater intimacy

I have a different definition of intimacy than most of the world around me seems to have.  My synonym for intimacy would be honesty.  When people are truly intimate it means they hide nothing from each other.  This may be in the form of physical intimacy meaning a couple does not have shame with each other.  It could be emotional intimacy meaning a couple expresses their feelings openly.  Cognitive intimacy would be the honest expression of thoughts and opinions.  In the course of dating people move from a low level of intimacy (or honesty) to higher levels.  On a first date words are guarded carefully, conversation tends to be shallow, and feelings are not generally expressed openly.  In an attempt to make a good first impression a person might be just a little bit, well, fake.  As time goes by guards are let down and opinions are expressed more freely.  Feelings might be revealed more openly.  Etc.  In other words you let the real you show... you become more honest.  I am setting the stage for this question, "How honest is your relationship with God?"  Or, put differently, "How initmate is your relationship with God?"  Here are a few questions to spur thinking:

Do you ever feel like you can't talk to God because of guilty feelings or for other reasons?
Are you ever ashamed of who God made you to be (including physical appearance)?
Are you emotionally expressive in your prayers to God?
Do you give God access to every part of your life?

Personally there are times when I feel like I can't talk to God.  I don't always like what the mirror has to show me (is that another hair sprouting from my ear?).  My prayers can easliy be quite bland and repetitive with no emotion.  There are parts of my life that I do not always want God involved in (can't I just unload on that person who is frustrating me and bypass that golden rule stuff?).  When I do these things I am robbing myself of intimacy with God. 

My wandering heart

This is a continuation of the last post on cheating.  The song I quoted in that post is Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing.  I greatly enjoy Chris Rice's version of this hymn.  There is a line in this hymn that says, "prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love."  Continuing the song says, "Here's my heart O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above."  These words by 18th century pastor Robert Robinson haunt me.  Robinson is admitting, "I am a cheater."  He has a wandering heart.  I do too.  It starts with my wandering eyes that seek out the enticing things of the world (Luke 11:34).  It continues with my actions as I spend my time with the things of the world (James 4:4).  Finally, without realizing it... I give my heart away (Luke 10:27).  There are so many things that come before God in my life.  My heart is prone to wander, prone to leave the God I love.  There is another line in this hymn that says, "let thy goodness like a fetter bind my wandering heart to thee."  A fetter is a chain or shakle similar to modern day handcuffs (see picture).  The hymnist is saying- God handcuff my heart with your goodness.  Let your goodness keep me so tied to you that my cheating heart won't seek other things.  Words are easy.  We can say we love God, that we are committed to the Lord.  Doing is tough.  You have to allow your wandering heart to be shackled to God.  Read about His goodness.  Meditate on his goodness.  Think about how He has been good to you.

Cheating

Words are easy.  I speak countless words a day (as many of you know and bemoan).  My vocal cords can create words with barely a thought or a whim.  Only a fool would deny that words are powerful.  How do you react to words like "murder" "hate" "brotherhood" or "swear?"  What happens when a promise is made or an insult is uttered?  Consider the words, "forsaking all others."  Wedding vows that are so easily spoken but mean a lifetime of effort.  According to my family therapy text book there are "...approximately 1 million divorces occurring annually in this country (Goldenberg & Goldenberg, 2008 p.42).  That means 1 million people this year will break a vow made before God.  Speaking of God- words spoken or sung to Him come easily too don't they?  Do we truly mean the words of worship we speak or sing?  Are there songs we sing and don't even know what we are saying i.e. here I raise my Ebenezer here by thy great help I've come????.  What does Scrooge have to do with God's help?  (This line comes from one of my very favorite hymns- ask me if you have questions... better yet look up the answer and post it in a response).  I say all of this simply to introduce the idea of cheating on God.  More will come in future posts. 

Goldenberg, H. & Goldenberg, I. (2008) Family Therapy: An Overview. Belmont, CA:  Brooks/Cole.

Securing a win

Well, tonight my beloved Ravens had a heartbreaking loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers.  Interestingly enough about half way through the game I got a call congratulating me on my team's excellent performance (and rightlly so).  However, in the second half the tides turned and the Steelers won the game.  As Yogi would remind us, "it ain't over until it's over."  I mention all this to highlight a point.  For centuries there has been this debate about how sure a person's salvation is (sometimes called "once saved always saved").  I have seen church members argue whether or not a person can lose their salvation.  There has even been some division over the issue.  The way I see it is that we can't make the call so early in the game.  By trying to determine the outcome (salvation) now we are trying to take control out of God's hands and put it into our own.  We want to determine the outcome and not let the game play out.  I am not saying this to make a point for one side of the argument or another... I am simply saying the argument is foolish.  This is a case of trying to be God instead of letting God be Himself.  In our Reconciled series we mentioned needing to love God for who He is... not who we want Him to be.  Let's accept his soverignty with more dignity and stop trying to be in control.